Note: some of the elements that arise in this story originate in the parent tale, Metaboi.
He frowned as he dumped the silverware into the second tub for utensils on the lower rack of his cart, his eyes fixed on the stray bag. He wondered how long it had been there. Had it belonged to the loud family that had just left, or had it been sitting there quietly for hours, or even days? He could see how anyone passing by might have missed it, half-obscured in the shadows under the table, in a restaurant that wasn’t very bright to start with. From what he could tell it looked kind of upscale—more upscale than the shops he could afford to patronize, anyway. Its glossy black surface was subtly offset with fine, matte-black pinstripes, and there was no garish advertising or giant store branding splashed across all its tall, smooth surfaces the way you’d get with the shopping bags from department stores or so-called fashion outlets at the mall. There was just a small logo: a simple matte-black circlet with a silver “M.”
The waitress for the back section they were in, Amanda, hurried past with five sodas of various hues ranged round a tray and was coming back the other way. Before she could disappear he flagged her over, and she paused beside him, glad to spare him a few seconds and no more. “Hey Manny, you know that big family that was just here?”
“Oh yeah,” Amanda said sourly, pursing her lips. Kieran guessed the tip had not been generous, but he didn’t want to risk a rant asking. He pressed on.
“You know if they came in with that bag?” he asked, pointing under the table.
She craned to look at it and immediately shook her head. “Definitely not,” she said. “I clocked them when they came in,” she went on, glancing up at Kieran and giving him a good look at her over-mascaraed lashes and virulent, chartreuse eye-shadow. He stared at them, momentarily distracted in fascination as he always was. He could never figure out why she did that shit to her eyes, especially since she was a total “cougar” and, from his admittedly limited experience, no guy ever liked that look. There’s make-up and then there’s decoration, his dead Irish mother had once sniffed, in disdainful reference to the American tarts she found herself among after they’d emigrated here, and now, ten years later, Kieran suddenly knew what she meant. He was glad Amanda liked her guys tall and buff and pretty. Being only 5’7” held new a solace for him. The thought of having to fend her off because he was tall and buff and pretty, gay or not (he’d seen her in action and guessed he would try anyway), made him shudder a little inside.
Amanda had carried on. “—total tourists, and I knew from the big white plastic bags of shit from the boardwalks they were carrying,” she was saying. “There wasn’t anything nice as that,” she added, nodding toward the black mystery bag.
“So what do I do with it?” Kieran said.
Amanda was moving again, her self-timed pause over. “Lost and found,” she called over her shoulder, and disappeared into the kitchen.
Kieran watched her go and then turned back to look at the bag where it was secreted away under the table. He cocked his head at it. It was probably clothes. Nice clothes. Kieran mused to himself that it had been too long since he’d even tried on any nice clothes.
He gave the bag one more look and then shrugged. “I vote ‘found’,” he said to himself, and went back to bussing tables, knowing the bag would be there when he went to retrieve it after his shift.
It had turned out to be kind of heavy, and now, opening the mouth of the bag, he saw that its contents consisted of a very large black gift box (or at least he assumed it was a gift box, judging by the wide, slate-blue ribbon around it) and, sitting pertly on top of its upended smallest side, a very small square box. He pulled out the small box first and opened it. Inside it was a ring with the same black-circlet-and-M logo as on the bag, along with a tiny preprinted note that read, in elegant, square letters, “The owner of Metaboi offers a special thank you to a very important customer.” He admired the ring for a moment and then pulled it out of its cushion, inspecting it. It seemed like it might be the right size. He slid it on the ring finger of his right hand and then more or less forgot about it.
The gift box proved to have a card, too, tucked under the simple bow with which the ribbon had been tied. Forcing down the tremors of conscience at having taken home this stuff that obviously belonged to some birthday boy or other who was even now wondering where his presents were, Kieran pulled the envelope free from the ribbon and slipped out the card inside, telling himself that he’d make an effort to get it back to its owner tomorrow after he’d had a chance to pretend it was his. If it was all shit, definitely, he’d try to get it to its rightful owner for sure.
The inside message on the otherwise blank, cream-stock card was handwritten in a wandering male hand. “My dearest Austin,” Kieran read to himself, his lip quirking at the name, “Congratulations on entering the air force academy! One of my undergrad students left behind a gift card for this nice menswear store I’d never heard of and, with the semester over and the card unclaimed, I thought I’d use it on you. Turns out it was a big one! Good luck and don’t forget to email! Love, Uncle Roland.”
Kieran squinted at the note in amazement. He’d bought his nephew a pile of nice clothes—for him to wear at the Air Force Academy? Didn’t they wear nothing but uniforms at places like that? Kieran scoffed, flushing away his latent qualms at having appropriated the lost bag. Uncle Roland was an idiot. He deserved for his well-meaning but ridiculous gesture to go astray, Kieran told himself firmly. He set the card aside and pulled open the ribbon bow. It untied itself easily and Kieran lifted the lid on the large box of wayward menswear from this mysterious shop. “Metaboi,” Kieran murmured. “Sounds like they only think they’re fancy. Must be at the Galleria.”
The clothes were pretty nice, Kieran confirmed with pleasure. There were two ribbed long-sleeve tee shirts, one in dark green and the other in dark blue, both extremely soft and comfy-looking. He checked the tag on the green one to see if it was the right size, but under the name of the product, which was evidently just “Muscle Tee”, the tag only said, “Mild.” Huh? Mild? What kind of a size was “mild”? Was this a shirt, or salsa? The under-side of the tag just had the cleaning instructions (which were essentially “wash any way you like,” from what he could tell) but no size information. Was it supposed to be one size fits all? he wondered, holding up the thick cotton tee and turning it this way and that. It seemed big enough, anyway. He shucked and cast aside his white polyester work shirt, as usual avoiding looking at the scrawny white torso so revealed. He hesitated a moment—his busboy shirt had been still a bit damp from sweat, reminding him he needed one of those forbidden showers. But it was a bit cool in the room now that he was half-naked. He pulled on the shirt.
He was immediately glad he did. It was a perfect fit and sooo comfortable. He let his hands roam over the snug surface, enjoying the feel of the cozy cotton and the subtle bumps of his tight, defined muscles through the fabric. It felt so good his cock actually flexed in his shorts, and Kieran glanced down at it, bemused. Now that was a comfy shirt, if it cranked your dick a bit when you put it on. He was gonna wear these every chance he got, he decided.
Eagerly he dug through the box to see what else was in there. There were five pairs of boxer-briefs, all in dark colors and grays, and Kieran smiled as his cock shifted again, as if to tell him it was jealous of his torso and its snuggly new togs. He picked up one of the boxer-briefs—it happened to be the charcoal pair—and glanced at the tag, startling momentarily at the name. “Megacock?” Kieran said, laughing aloud. “Really, uncle Roland?” He wondered if the spacey old man—or spacey young man, he guessed an uncle could be any age, but he was definitely spacey—had even looked at what he was buying. Maybe he’d just told the nice young man behind the counter to get whatever a new college boy might need that would fit on the gift card, then blithely wandered off with his packages, only to brainlessly leave them behind at Spicyburger. Roland probably had no idea what had been misdirected into Kieran’s lap.
Kieran shook his head at the briefs he was holding up, looking down briefly at his crotch and then back up at the briefs. “I suppose you’ll have to settle for Slightly-Below-Averagecock, Mister Underwear,” he told them. He set the shorts aside long enough to tug off his black work slacks (he’d already toed off the shoes and abandoned them by the door as soon as he’d entered his room) and the worn boxer-briefs he was currently wearing, then pulled the new ones up over his toned legs and firm ass. He almost moaned, they were so comfortable, and his cock actually started getting hard. Something in the way the fabric clung to his swelling dick almost made it seem like the cotton was wrapping around his shaft, holding it kind of like a hand, and by the time his hard-on had reached its full size, seven thick inches of stiff boner, he was tempted to shout with pleasure. He contented himself with muttering “thank you, uncle Roland” under his breath.
He checked in the box for pants and sure enough there was a nice pair of dark blue jeans, obviously brand new but completely soft and already broken in. Kieran stroked the comfy denim and hummed in happy anticipation. Once again there was no size on the tag, only the product line (“Male Gaze”—man, these names are getting weirder, he thought), but Kieran was sure now that “Austin”, the nephew, was the same size as him. Unless uncle Roland had intended the gifts for Austin, Texas, in which case all bets were off. He pulled on the jeans, standing up to zip the fly and button the waistband, and caught sight of himself in the old full-length mirror hanging on the back of the door to his room. Man, he looked pretty good. The way the dark-green tee hugged his tight, defined torso and arms was nice to look at. And his crotch—his ass—he kind of wanted to check himself out for a while. But then, guys were always checking him out. Not that he was all that hot, he thought to himself humbly, he just—was the kind of guy that got casually checked out a lot. It was one of those things.
Digging into the box again he discovered that there was even, somehow, a pair of sneaks at the bottom. Kieran laughed at the box in disbelief. “How are you fitting all this stuff?” he asked it. “Are you bigger on the inside?” He glanced at the insole but he already knew there’s be no size, just the name—but paused when he saw that the name was “SubtLifts”. Lifts? He frowned at the shoe. Sure, he was a bit shorter than a lot of people he knew, but he’d never even considered wearing lifts. Maybe Austin was his size but really short? Anyway they looked like normal sneakers, and sneakers couldn’t very well have stacked heels after all, right? He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled them on over the old dark socks he was still wearing, marveling again at the shoes’ perfect fit. He shook his head at the name, thinking it must refer to something else—maybe it was supposed to lift his spirits? Subtly? He supposed they did—they were damn comfortable. Certainly he didn’t need actual lifts. He was 5’8½”, after all, and that was normal, pretty much.
To his surprise there was still more stuff in the box. At the bottom, thankfully wrapped in its own plastic sleeve (it hand been under the shoes, after all), was a jar of face lotion, a tube of what looked like specialty shampoo, another small jewelry box, and a dress shirt that Kieran could tell even through the clear plastic was something special. He held it up, and as he slipped off the sleeve and unfurled it he drew in his breath at how rich the cobalt blue color was, how fine and sweetly soft the fabric, how perfect the execution from shape to stitching. This was no everyday shirt, Kieran saw. This was for special occasions, for impressing people with. Maybe he could use it for first dates, if he ever met anyone.
He stood up and drew it on reverently, enjoying the silky feel even through the long-sleeved tee shirt as he pulled it on, hitching the collar fully up onto his shoulders and then doing up the buttons with his front arms, letting his back arms hang languidly as usual. He’d intuited at a very early age that people tended not to notice his extra arms at all for some reason, but he’d always refrained from using them in public just in case and he’d gotten into the habit—enough so that he felt he had to work his back arms harder at the gym because of the disuse, not that that they ever showed even the slightest sign of being any less toned than his front arms. Still, his back hands twitched a little, wanting to help, wanting to feel this lovely, immensely comfortable material, and he let them come up and rub his hard abs through the shirt and tee shirt as he finished buttoning with his other hands.
He glanced at the mirror and gasped slightly, impressed by his look in the new clothes, especially the beautiful deep-blue shirt. He imagined he was getting ready for a date with a gorgeous man and wondering if he’d fit in at the fancy places a gorgeous man would take him. He remembered the jewelry box and eagerly bent for it, sure it would help him with the look. He opened it up and peered at it, instantly loving it. It was a small stylized silver pendant of two male bodies intertwined, on a thick silver chain. He quickly removed it from the box and pulled it on, clasping it behind his neck with his front hands.
He admired the effect in the mirror. The silver of the pendant—the chain was just short enough that the pendant was visible under the shirt with the top button unbuttoned—was set off beautifully by the dark blue of the dress shirt and the dark green of the tee underneath. Then he caught sight of his other body in the reflection, identically clad apart from the necklace, and snorted. “Silly, why are you using a mirror?” he asked wryly, turning to face himself.
He stood his other body back a step and let his mind look though its eyes. He did look pretty darn good, for him, at least. He let his gaze linger at his own crotch where the outline of his boner was faintly visible, a resisted an urge to turn around so he could check out his own ass. At least he had a special occasion outfit now—the two dress shirts and the necklace—on top of the other gear, which was nice more everyday. Instead his mind drifted to the toiletries that were all that was left from the box, improbably full gift box.
“I suppose we should take all this stuff off and grab a shower,” he said to his other body. His other body wasn’t a person, just more flesh controlled by his mind, so it was kind of silly to talk to himself this way; but after spending his whole life pretending to be twins he was in the habit of talking to himself and responding with at least a shrug, as he did now, despite the fact that he was alone. Had he switched bodies recently? he wondered suddenly. He tried to switch occasionally just so that both “twins” were equally active, on the extreme off-chance that anyone could tell them apart, but he honestly wasn’t sure the last time he’d done it. Sometimes he would jump back and forth between them if he was having an animated conversation with a few people, making both “Kieran” and “Connor” participate, but it was a little disorienting and tended to make him dizzy, so usually he just let Connor be placid and observant.
He decided to go ahead and switch now, if only to make taking the necklace off slightly easier. His black hair was cropped short, so that wasn’t a problem, but he was still used to using his bodies to look at stuff other people couldn’t see easily, like the backs of his necks or the bottoms of his feet. Once he had shifted his consciousness so that he was standing in the necklace-less body he moved around to his other body’s back and quickly unclasped it. He then returned it to its box, setting the box in the dresser drawer reserved for little-used things like neckties and suspenders, while with his other body, making use of long self-conditioning that allowed him to do simple things with his other bod almost autonomically, he started undressing. He followed suit with his “main” bod and pretty soon they were standing in just in their new, identical charcoal boxer-briefs. He looked over his tight, defined bodies appraisingly. Impulsively he made a double-biceps pose with the front arms of his other bod and cocked his head at it, feeling something tugging at the back of his mind. Somehow, he was—buffer than he expected? He shook his head. He looked the same as always. At least his cocks were mostly soft now, so he could go out in the apartment and risk encountering his roommate. With renewed sense of anticipation he grabbed the lotion and shampoo with one bod while the other pulled a couple of towels from a shelf in the closet, then he headed for the bathroom.
The layout of the railroad apartment had the rooms at each end with the kitchen and bathroom between. Unfortunately from his end you had to pass the kitchen in order to get to the bathroom—unfortunately in case Paul was in the kitchen, as he was tonight. Geez, it was like two in the morning, Kieran thought. Does this guy ever sleep?
Still, rigorous attendance to civility might someday be repaid, as some saint or another said, Kieran thought. He paused in the doorway and said in unison, “Hi, Paul.”
Okay, that wasn’t exactly civil—he knew speaking in unison creeped Paul out. Probably saw The Shining too many times. Sure enough, Paul’s head snapped up from where he was sitting at the kitchen table making a pile of PBJs, a glower already in place. “Don’t do that,” he growled. As usual, though, his eyes lingered a moment, checking out Kieran’s tight, mostly naked bods, before he forced his eyes back down to his sandwich-making. “It’s weird you two shower together,” he grumbled again.
Kieran had started looking at this banter almost as a challenge to his glibness. “You have to keep an eye on this one,” he said, nodding his head toward his other bod. “He tends to start fires when no one’s looking.” Paul looked up again dubiously, and Kieran had his other body shrug nonchalantly.
“I don’t doubt it,” Paul responded, resuming his labors. Kieran headed off toward the bathroom, not stopping as Paul called after him, “I’m showering later too! Save me some hot water!”
He was tempted to fuck in the shower, just to piss Paul off, but has the hot water hit his bods he felt suddenly very tired, his muscles aching from a long day that had started with a longer-than-usual jog before his shift. So he washed up quickly, using each body to soap up the other. He remembered to use the new shampoo and was a little disappointed not to feel much difference from ordinary shampoo, however high-end it might be. Maybe he’d see the results when it dried, he mused, stepping out of the shower and toweling off both bods. He ran a comb through his thick, medium-length black hair on each of his heads, considering the tub of lotion as he did so. On closer inspection it turned out to be “QT” brand face cream. He tilted an eyebrow at the stupid name but, having been generally impressed by all the other Metaboi goods (and he’d probably notice his hair looking nice tomorrow), he duly set both bodies to applying the face cream.
Leaving both the shampoo and the face cream in the bathroom for future use he wrapped towels around his waists and snatching up the two pairs of boxer-briefs, high-tailed it back to his room, glad to see on the way that Paul had repaired to his own lair.
He shut the door behind him and snapped off the lights, feeling dog tired. Normally he’d engage in a quick fuck or some 69 just to “clean the pipes”, as he’d hear a particularly “bro”-ish cousin call it once, but tonight he just cracked the window for some cool air and, getting under the covers, snuggled contentedly in his own four-armed embrace, placating his hardons with the promise of thorough and diligent attention in the morning.
So Kieran had had to “work it out.” His new mantra was “Fuck James,” but he made sure not to say it aloud, since (a) you don’t talk like that about your boss and (b) that was probably what he wanted. Kieran strongly suspected James was scheduling them together to bring in regulars who liked the idea of good-looking twin servers—and he was almost certain that James liked the idea of having twins around, in a carnal rather than business-enterprise sense. James gave him the usual up-and-down check-out that most guys gave him, lingering a moment on his crotch and ass; but when both “twins” were together in front of him—a situation James seemed to like to contrive, bringing them both in to discuss the next week’s schedule, hand out paychecks, etc.—James’s eyes seemed to dance at the sight of two twins, side by side. If he knew we were both one guy, Kieran mused to himself as he rushed to a table, he’d probably be even more into it.
At least he could look the 5’10” supervisor straight in the eye. He had a residual memory of being annoyed working for people taller than him, though he couldn’t quite place who he was thinking of.
His only consolation as his double-booked shifts got crazy was that the Metaboi clothes he was able to wear under his waiter’s uniform—the underwear and the long-sleeve tee—provided constant snug comfort as he ran all over. He wished he could wear the sneaks, too, but at least he’d been able to wear them for his jog before work. Now he was four hours in, smack in the middle of the dinner rush, and he was switching back and forth between bods so much—the only way he could interact with the customers—that he would have been confused which bod was which if it weren’t for the fact that one of them had two cocks and the other had only one.
(He’d wondered about this his whole life—how his two bods were absolutely identical except in this one respect: “Kieran” had two thick seven-inch cocks, and “Connor” had one slightly thicker eight-inch cock. He loved the chance to feel both configurations, though, and from the day he’d first started getting boners the sensation of stroking his big double cocks while sucking his other bod’s bigger, thicker dick had become, and had remained, pretty much his favorite thing in the world. He’d noticed with some surprise that some of the Metaboi boxer-briefs actually said, “Multicock” instead of “Megacock”—did Austin have two cocks? Could Uncle Roland have known that? It was eerie, either way, that he, a multicocked dude, had ended up with “Multicock” briefs through pure accident.)
He was actually in “Connor” at the moment, finishing up charming a nice young couple into ordering dessert, when looked up and saw from across the restaurant that his other body, slowly and carefully carrying out a tray of food with a tendril of his attention, was about to get slammed by an inattentive diner who was backing away from his table as he talking with the friend leaving with him. Quickly he smiled at the couple and started moving toward the kitchen so that he could jump into his other body, just in time to deftly save the tray from tumbling straight into the lap of the diner it was intended for, instead managing to drop the tray onto the table with a clatter as the other, clueless diner body-checked him.
“Oh shit! Sorry,” said the clueless diner. Kieran was about to tell him it was no problem, but he’d already turned away, heading out with his friend, the ruckus he’d caused completely forgotten. Kieran was tempted to growl.
The diner in the booth, whose meal he had saved, was grinning at him, looking impressed. As the hunky customer started to mouth a compliment, Kieran spared enough attention to his other bod to put in the dessert order and call out that he was going on break. Then he returned his full attention to the diner. “—pretty talented,” he was saying, looking up at Kieran with a big smile. He was dressed casually, he saw, in a brown henley and jeans, the former showing off the intriguing bulges of his torso to good enough effect that both Kieran’s cocks were twitching.
Kieran smiled back at him. “That’s me,” he said, straightening up and taking a casual stance by the table. “Pretty and talented.”
The diner pushed his lip out and nodded in a “that’s true” gesture, and Kieran felt himself blushing. The guy was pretty hot: cute face, built not just like a gymnast but like an ambitious gymnast, great smile. As Kieran drank him in, probably more obviously than he would have liked, the diner stuck out a hand, and Kieran automatically grasped it—then gasped to himself as he realized he’d used his back right hand. He never shook hands with his back hand. What was he thinking?
“Evan Stevenson,” the diner said as they shook.
“K–Kieran Morgan,” he stuttered, then paused, suddenly anxious. Was he “Kieran”? With a wave of relief he remembered the doubled arousal in his groin, which was still proceeding apace, and chastised himself for getting flustered over a cute guy. This is why you don’t get dates, he admonished himself.
They were still grasping each other’s hands. Kieran dropped his quickly, still stunned he’s used the hand he had. Evan seemed, unnervingly, to be following Kieran’s line of thought, for he now said, “Kieran, I don’t usually do this, but—when’s your next night off?”
Kieran stared at him. Even lifted an eyebrow. In a second he was going to retract the offer. Kieran jumped in quickly. “We—I mean, I—uh,” he fumbled, realizing he had to think about the schedule a second. For the first time he was glad, after a month of hating this fact, that he and “Connor” were on for the same shifts. “I’m off Wednesday,” he finished lamely.
Evan nodded. “Can I take you take you out Wednesday?” he asked mildly. Kieran’s eyes automatically went to the Buffalo Spicyburger platter he’d artlessly dropped in front of the guy. Even saw where he was looking and when their eyes met again—god, were they green? hazel? how gorgeous were those eyes?—Evan’s lips quirked. “Not for Spicyburgers,” he added wryly.
“Right,” Kieran said. What was his play here? Cool? Cocky? Funny? He suddenly had no idea how to talk to a guy. He flexed his back hands nervously, like he often did when his was agitated. “Um, yeah, that’d be great.”
“Good,” Evan said. “It’s a date.” His eyes were locked on Kieran’s as if they were about to do some of the things you did after dates, only right there at booth #7.
Kieran blinked, mesmerized. Suddenly he realized again that he was Evan’s waiter and had just brought him his food, so, as if surfacing from out of a dream, he returned to waiter mode. He shifted the platters off the tray and slipped it up under his left arms. “Enjoy your meal, sir,” he said smoothly with a practiced smile, turning away.
“I will, thanks,” Evan said. Then he added, “Oh, Kieran?”
Kieran half turned, giving Evan an inquiring look. He caught Evan’s eyes jumping up from Kieran’s backside. Kieran smiled, and Evan returned the smile and then some. He made a point of looking Kieran’s buff body up and down. “Wear something nice,” he said finally, in a warm tone that said he’d already figured out how great Kieran would look.
Kieran smiled and nodded, then turned and headed for the kitchen, certain Evan was watching his ass as he walked away. He thought about his new “first date” clothes and his smile broadened to a grin.
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