Adrian walked into the diner and looked around nervously, spotting his friend Noel after a moment waving from one of the booths toward the back. He waved back with a crooked grin and headed back toward him, squeezing past the gum-smacking waitress with an overloaded tray of oversized burgers, onion rings, and large plastic glasses of Pepsi, suddenly wondering as he made his way toward the booth whether his breath was sour—he hadn’t brushed his teeth before heading out from his dorm room for this tiny little birthday dinner. Oh well, he thought, it’s not like we’re going to be making out, anyway. He sighed.
He dropped into his side of the booth, scootching over to be directly opposite his handsome but oblivious friend. Their knees brushed briefly as he did so and Adrian felt a little tingle of pleasure. Adrian thought about what was between them—the big dick that Noel liked to pretend he wasn’t immensely proud of—but with an effort he forced his mind away from his friend’s crotch.
“Hey buddy,” Noel said. “Happy birthday!”
Adrian checked his watch—he was one of the few people he knew who still wore one, as Noel liked to point out periodically in mock amazement. “Not for four minutes yet.”
Noel grinned. “Well, I wanted to make sure you got out, even if it’s just a burger with Noel,” he said. “Anyone call with wellwishes?”
Adrian shrugged. “I got this weird voicemail, telling me there were things I had to know now that I’m 20,” Adrian said. “I think it was my uncle Jasper.”
“The hermit?” Noel laughed. “I thought you said he didn’t talk to anyone!”
“Yeah, and now he’s calling on my birthday and my parents don’t,” Adrian said. “I think they forgot again.”
“You’re going to do that ‘nobody notices little old Adrian’ song again,” Noel said with a shrewd smile.
“Naw, you’ve heard that one.” The gum-smacking waitress was now looming over them, glowering fiercely at them as if they’d personally caused her bursitis. “Let’s order,” Adrian added quickly.
The boys ordered their “big big burger” platters and spent the next few minutes talking about the readings for the two philosophy classes they had together while they waited. Seemingly in no time heavy china plates laden with hot, deliciously greasy food was being dropped in front of them: they each had a plate with a thick, huge burger, bigger than Adrian had seen at any other restaurant, and a tile pile of fries to share was steaming on a third plate between them.
“I love the hamburgers here!” Noel said happily.
“I know,” Adrian said, glancing up at his friend with a smile. They were beautiful to look at, and he knew from experience they were even more delicious than they looked. He’d gained ten pounds just from eating here before he’d realized he’d had to cut back.
“And the fries are just as awesome,” Noel went on, still drinking in the sight of his meal.
“I know. I had to stop coming here if I didn’t want to blimp out.” He cocked his head at his good-looking, skinny pal as Noel wrapped both hands around the huge juicy burger. He had to admit to himself he was a little envious of Noel’s ability to stay thin. When it came to practically everything, Adrian tended to feel that everyone else, especially Noel, had all the luck. “Of course, knowing you, all that grease has no effect on you.”
The burger, encased in Noel’s hands, was already close to its target, but Noel paused to grin wickedly. “I know,” he said. “I couldn’t get fat from this stuff if I tried.” He took a huge bite and lowered the burger, managing a grin even with a full mouth.
Adrian felt a strange twinge in his mind, as if some kind of shift were taking place in his unconscious, beyond the dark walls that bounded what his rational mind was aware of. Then the moment passed, forgotten.
“You don’t get fat from anything,” Adrian said dolefully.
Noel had swallowed and was starting to lift up the burger again, but now he paused. “It’s actually kind of freaky,” he said, sounding a little amazed. “I tried testing it once.”
“Really? What did you do?” Adrian wasn’t sure if he’d heard this story.
“I ate everything as a kid and my body just seemed to process it without adding any fat. The doctor told me when I was 14 I couldn’t get fat if I tried. Well, you know how I can’t pass up a challenge.”
Adrian nodded. This was definitely true about Noel.
“So for a whole month I ate a half-gallon of ice cream every day. And at the end of the month? I still had like no body fat. And I was, like, permanently sick of ice cream.” He laughed.
Adrian had heard this one a couple times before, and usually responded to it with some kind of a joke. “I’ll bet it had some effect,” he said.
“Oh yeah?” Noel said, eyebrow arched in a waiting-for-the-dig kind of way.
Adrian was all ready to say something about it having given Noel a fat head, but something made him say, “It’s probably what made your dick so fat.”
Noel had been lifting the burger again, but now he set it back down entirely, staring at nothing in sudden shock. “My god, you might be right,” he said. “That is about when that happened.” He looked at Adrian in awe, leaning forward to ask in a hushed whisper. “Do you think the ice cream is really what grew my dick?”
Adrian realized his expression was probably similar to the one he’d given Laura Innes in the fifth grade when she’d asked if he wanted to see her clitoris. He quickly tried to assume a more nonchalant expression. “Dude, it’s no big deal.”
“I guess you’re right,” Noel said slowly, frowning and glancing down toward his own crotch. “Probably happens to a lot of guys.”
“I’m sure it’s just you.”
Noel looked up at Adrian and wiggled his eyebrows. “You know—” he began.
“Oh, fuck you!” Adrian interjected in exasperation.
“—Suddenly I don’t hate ice cream quite so much anymore!”
“Christ. It doesn’t need to get any bigger!” Noel had proudly showed it to him a couple times when they’d had a beer night at Adrian’s dorm. Adrian even had a beery memory of Noel getting it hard once, just to show off its girth, which was as impressive as the length. Adrian remembered thinking that it was huge, monstrous, and also that he desperately wanted it in his mouth; but Noel, as good a friend as he was, and as proud as he was of his dick, wasn’t quite bi-curious enough to let even his best friend blow him.
“It’s only 9 inches,” Noel said, pretending to be embarrassed.
“C’mon. It’s bigger than that.”
Noel frowned. “Not a lot bigger.”
“Way bigger. It’s gotta be 12 or 13, dude.”
“Well, I guess. I don’t like to brag.”
Noel seemed confused. “Why was I saying I’d measured it at 9 inches?” he said, half to himself.
Adrian was suddenly tired of Noel’s off-limits cock. He finally wrapped his hands around his own burger. “You probably measured the wrong one,” he said grumpily, and took a bite.
But this didn’t help Noel’s confusion. “No, they’re both the same size,” he mused, staring into the untouched pile of french fries between them.
Adrian paused in mid-chew. What had just happened? His mind was still dwelling on Noel’s beery show-and-tell, but now Adrian remembered two foot-long, beercan-thick cocks erupting from the open fly of Noel’s jeans, not one.
Adrian’s heart was pounding. He set down his burger. His mouth felt dry, but he had to make sure. “Both? You—you mean all four, don’t you?”
Noel was still distracted. “Yeah, sorry, I misspoke. They’re all the same size.” And even as Noel was saying the words, Adrian’s woozy memory shifted, and he saw in his mind the night when they’d gotten drunk and Noel had shown him how big his four cocks got when they were hard.
“Shit!” Adrian shouted, trying to jump up and knocking the table when it got in his way. Noel, jolted out of his reverie, looked up at him sharply, as did all the other patrons in nearby booths.
“Dude, what’s wrong?” Noel said, alarmed.
“I—I gotta go,” said Adrian, flustered, half standing in the awkward space between the bench and the table.
But Noel unexpectedly shot out a hand and grabbed his forearm. “Don’t go,” he said urgently.
Adrian sank back into his seat, staring into Noel’s eyes. “Something weird is happening,” he said.
“I know,” Noel said softly. “I feel like—I don’t know. You know you’re the only one I’ve shown—them—to, right?”
Adrian raised his eyebrows. Was that true? He was afraid to speak.
“I tell everyone I have a big dick, but—I’m scared for anyone to find out I have these four monsters in my pants. But I thought—somehow I figured you’d be cool with it.”
Adrian nodded slowly. His heard was still pounding and he felt flushed. What was happening? He suddenly realized Noel hadn’t let go of his arm.
“I just—I really wish I were gay. It’s like, I’m totally gay for you, Adrian, but I’m not gay enough.”
Adrian forced himself to speak. “Do you really wish that?” He felt a sudden flood of love for Noel, a love he’d always known and endured but now had been heartbreakingly intensified by what Noel was saying. He finally knew that Noel actually loved him—as fully and as passionately as a straight boy could.
Noel was still staring at him intensely, still gripping Adrian’s arm. “I really do.”
Adrian kept his eyes locked on Noel’s. He worried for a second about how to phrase the suggestion he wanted to be true more than any other, but when he spoke he forgot words and phrasing and just spoke from the heart.
“There’s no need to wish it, Noel,” he said gently. “You just need to stop hiding the truth from yourself.”
And Noel suddenly broke into a huge grin, and, leaning forward and darting his free hand out to grab the back of Adrian’s neck, pulled Adrian into a long a deep kiss, the kiss the Adrian had yearned for from the day they’d met. They kissed hungrily, laughing, elated, and only gave up when it got too awkward to lean across the table. They dropped back into their seats, grinning at each other like fools.
“Damn, you’re a good kisser,” Noel said happily.
“You’re one to talk! That extra-long tongue of yours is sexy as fuck,” Adrian said, giddy with the raw joy flooding through his body in that moment.
“Thanks,” Noel said, his enunciation very slightly thicker than before. “It really wants to be back in your mouth again.”
“Ditto.” Adrian was hardly aware of what he was saying, though he was self-aware enough to keep his voice low. “I’ve never kissed anyone whose tongue got big and hard when he was aroused. It’s fucking intense.”
Noel’s eyes were wide in amazed agreement. “Yeah, dodally.”
Adrian was regaining possession of himself but at the same time he realized he wanted to complete what he’d half done. He leaned forward and whispered, “Does anyone else know your tongue turns into a big hard cock when you’re really turned on?”
Noel shook his head, mute with his own giddy love. And Adrian watched with wide eyes as the head of Noel’s mouthcock emerged from Noel’s full and beautiful lips. Adrian, who’d been hard for some time, nearly came in his pants.
He rapidly pulled out his wallet, tossed some twenties on the table, and practically yanked Noel by the hand out of the booth. Together they ran laughing out of the restaurant—only to pull up short on the sidewalk outside, embracing each other in the cool city twilight, and share a long, impossibly wonderful kiss, a kiss unlike anyone had ever experienced.
Adrian broke the kiss only for a few seconds—just to say, “This is going to be the best birthday in the history of everything.” And Noel, beaming, a smile wrapped around his thick protruding mouthcock, nodded happily and dove in for a make-out session that never seemed to end.
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