For the most part, nothing is too surprising anymore because they can say almost anything on the air or in print. At some point it became okay to say the word “penis,” so it's come into common usage, which is just fine.
But it was a surprise to see, there in the rack of supermarket magazines, the upscale fitness magazine for men. Usually decked out on the cover with a handsome shirtless man with a next-door-neighbor smile and a body to make sailors swoon, the magazine's teasers generally promise better abs, less fat, bigger muscles, better sex, whatever.
This time, there was the attractive, muscled, smiling neighbor-type, his lean abs shining, pulling his little jogging shorts down to reveal three towering, gigantic penises, all in full arousal. “Grow Three Penises!” shouted the teaser. And there they were, each one enviable in itself, all three, each complete with its own large, low-hanging scrotum, veined and fully engorged shaft that swelled and tapered way up to a fully filled, rounded and tumescent head. I suppose as a matter of decency they didn't show any precum on the three penis heads; that would be porn.
But there they were, the middle penis just a little higher than its flanking brothers, but all three huge, proud and so very much a threesome. The cover model's smile was the typical modest smile of the steady achiever, radiating friendliness and encouragement. “You Can Do It!” said the smaller banner under the “Grow Three Penises!” teaser.
Inside, past the innumerable ads, regular features and other stories, the actual story carried its handsome burden of exercise photos showing the gym routines and the special exercises that would develop the owner's original penis into a huge outcropping of three giant penises. There were warnings against supplements because of unknown side-effects and future health hazards, there was a major side bar on the tantric tradition of the three penises and the karmic meaning of each one, but I couldn't really get into that as much as the magazine's usual retinue of simply-staged photo sequences of its hunky college-boy models doing their three-penis exercises.
Another side bar compared the progress of three different fitness models, whose shirtless good looks and muscular bodies followed slightly different lines based on their height and varying ethnicity. Sure enough, each of them ended up with an enormous complement of penises, all three of which seemed inclined to remain at full arousal.
I liked the one picture which showed the handsome cover model having an outdoor waterhose fight with someone else off-camera. His handsome face was soaked in a dripping smile as a heavy stream of water came in from off-camera, hitting him in his muscular pecs. Somehow the stream of water had dislodged his running shorts, halfway dropping them down his lifter's legs, and there against the backdrop of his glistening abs were his three enormous male organs, the three penises fully erect and barely flexible even as he was obviously ducking and playfully in motion as he shot his hose's stream at his unseen playmate.
I realized that my heart was pounding and the sweat from my hands was curling the pages, so I bought the magazine, laying it cover-side down on the checkout counter. It was the last one they had.
The kid at the checkout counter was the first one to give me an inkling of what I was in for.
Kid. Some kid. He was at least 21, tall and rangy, fresh-faced and sunburnt, sun-streaked hair.
"That's a great issue," he said, eyeing the magazine. "I almost couldn't come into work today, it's such a great issue."
He was loading my groceries into the cart and taking it out to the car with me.
"Just knowing someone else is trying it drives me crazy," he laughed. I noticed he was having a hard time walking normally, as he pushed my grocery cart.
"I'm finished my shift," he called to the manager as we headed out the door; the manager waved and turned back to the lists he was checking.
"Do you mean you've read the three penises article?" I asked, already boned.
"Dude," he said as he helped me load the stuff into the car, "I can't stand it, I've got the three penises; I think you'd be hot with three penises, too!"
Sure enough, I noticed how unwieldy his penis-area was; you could see even through his slacks that the area behind and on both sides of the zipper was ridiculously pushed out of shape, even making the pockets down the sides of his slacks pull open slightly from all the extra pressure inside his pants up front.
We seemed to bond with our secret interest in the magazine and in no time we were at my place, where he again had a hard time walking as he helped me carry my groceries in.
"Are your three penises as big as the pictures in the magazine show?" I asked.
"They're bigger," he said, his nice hands working his belt buckle and with difficulty unhooking the clip over his zipper, because there was so much tension pulling against the fabric, which only seemed to get more strained as he fought to open the clip so he could get unzipped.
"They're aroused, and this motion is only getting them bigger," he laughed, breathing hard. "There!"
And out they splayed, three immense long flexing penises, giant, healthy and beautiful, elongated, bobbing almost playfully, huge, reaching out visibly as they expanded and elongated, as if gasping for breath. They were huge and perfect, three gorgeous aroused penises, the middle penis a little higher, crowded on each side by its brother penises.
"Whoa!" I said, pretty much stunned. I could even smell them, there was so much penis-flesh right there, warm and stiff, with that slightly sweetish warm male penis-tang. They had a nice sheen on them from being so hot and crowded and packed together uncomfortably for so long, and they reached out so far from their three big heavy sacs of balls!
He took the outer two big penises in his hands and bent them further outward to show me how close they sprang from either side of his big middle penis. I loved the proud, excited smile on his handsome face, somewhat agitated and flushed from his state of having three huge aroused penises!
"They're sooo awesome!" I nearly whispered, realizing how close I was peering at his three giant, beautiful penises. The details began to dawn on me, the robust red coloring of the three beautifully shaped penis heads, the beautiful veins, each thick shaft full and hard and with that big full tubelike semen-conduit along their undersides, the comfortably jostling ball sacs carrying their big pairs of balls heavily within.
I realized I was feeling his three penises with my own hands, my own hands brushing his hands which still held the outer penises. My hands gratefully traced the warm, thick necks of his three penises at their bases, my fingers riding up the big warm shafts, the outer shafts, the middle shaft, up to the top of the middle shaft, and then my lips were kissing his three huge penis heads, mouthing his three huge penis heads, warmly sucking each huge head just a little.
Warm strings of pre-cum lazily hung from my lips and cheeks to these three huge penises that filled my entire view.
I sort of came too, realizing that he was there, the owner of the three huge penises, and I realized how cool it was of him to let me at the three of them. I realized he had been moaning and laughing as I'd grazed among the fragrant soft warmth and equal firmness of his three huge penises.
"All they want to do is jack," he laughed, jacking one of them for emphasis; the big penis immediately stood to attention, its two brothers arousing themselves somewhat just being next to the jacked penis. "All I've done today is work and jack. My boss understands because he's seen the magazine, so I've had beaucoup jackoff breaks all day long. God, I could jack off right now."
"Would you?" I asked, hardly daring to ask but wanting to more than anything I could think of right then. "I've gotta see you jack off your three penises!"
"Fuck, yeah!" he laughed, and his big strong young grocery-boy hands playfully and manfully grabbed two of his great big boners, shaking them crazily, grabbing his third penis when the second was huge enough, getting the first and third penises huge, then the first and second, then the second and third, his nice big hands getting the big penises so big they looked like a different set of three penises entirely.
God they were huge, and so awesome. It didn't take him long to get all three of them to the point where they had to come. He was gasping, grunting, almost laughing as his big strong flexible hands worked his three big precumming penises, jacking and jacking them, jacking and jacking them, jacking and jacking them!
He kept jacking and jacking them, jacking his three huge penises, his neck veins bulging and his shoulders shaking as both his arms worked like jackhammers while his strong young hands furiously pummeled and pummeled, jacked and jacked, his three huge jacking penises!
And then one! two! three! He screamed with pleasure, still jacking his three amazingly huge, aroused penises as they shot, shot and shot, shooting, shooting and shooting, raining ridiculously huge spurts of hot tangy whitish-greyish come everywhere, all over his hands, all over his penises, all over me!
It was like I was having sex with them, even though he was the one jacking, and I realized I was pumping my own clothes full of my own come, coming spontaneously inside my clothes, coming and coming.
Had time passed? He was wiping his three penises off, even though more come kept appearing at the tips of his three huge penis heads, his three big penises looking so lazy and contented as they lay all over each other, stiffening whenever he wiped them off.
I realized I was uncomfortable and hotly soaked in my own come, which made quite a strong tang of come along with his come everywhere, even though he was wiping it up, sort of. He was too turned on looking at his three huge penises giantly tumbled all over each other to do much more than wipe at their tips when more come continued to appear, which it did.
I was feeling very uncomfortable, so jammed-in feeling in my clothes, understandable since I'd shot so much penis-jam of my own inside them. And it was hard to get my zipper open, with my pants sodden with pressurized come.
He looked at me struggling and smiled, one eyebrow raising. His three penises kind of uncoiled on their own, as if they sensed more fun on the way, and began to rise again into three huge hardons.
"That's one of the most direct ways to grow three penises, the magazine says," he smiled, as I fought my own growing arousal inside my pants, in spite me trying to get them unzipped.
"What do you mean?" I asked, feeling newly boned at the sight of him smiling at me, with his three penises big again.
"Playing with a guy's three penises," he smiled. "Wait till you see what's inside your pants."