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Description That book of spells sure has a lot of funny words in it.

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AddedMarch 2013
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Hey, dude, wanna go grab a  –  whoa, what the fuck?”

“Don’t freak out, okay? If you freak out, them I’m gonna freak out.”

“Dude, what happened to you?”

“Shut the door, okay? I don’t want every bonehead in the dorm to see.”

“Okay, but  –  dude, what the fuck?”

“Stop saying what the fuck.”

“Are you gonna tell me what happened?”

“Well  –  okay, but will you sit down and chill a minute?”

“I will if you will.”

“Fine.”

“Fine. So, what happened?”

“Well. I had to do this stupid term paper on magic and social change for Professor Milton, right?”

“The one you think is hot.”

Everyone thinks he’s hot.”

“Meh. So?”

“So I went to the library and started looking through the occult section. Only it was all shit. None of it was any good.”

“Our whole library is shit.”

“True. So I browsed through all the books on the shelf. Check the tables of contents, looked through the indexes. Nothing. Not a single paragraph that would help me.”

“Okay, but  –  ”

“I’m getting to it, okay? I went to go grab a quick lunch, figuring I’d come back and reposition my paper so I could use what was there.”

“Smart. And?”

“When I went back, there was a new book. I mean, it was a really old book. Small, dusty, worn, the whole thing. But it was  –  it wasn’t there before. And I know  –  don’t frown at me like that  –  I know because it was behind the other books.”

“Huh. So you’re saying someone put it there?”

“I couldn’t have missed it before. And it wasn’t a library book  –  no barcode, no ‘property of’ stamp, nothing.”

“Weird.”

“But from the title it was exactly what I needed.”

“Which was?”

Magic and Change.

“Whoa.”

“Sounded right for the sociology class, right? So I slipped it in my bag and brought it back here. When I opened it up, it turned out to be a catalog of spells used by warlocks in the early middle ages. But I realized it was all about changing people, not societies. You know, a friendly magician changes a guy to look like a monster so his knight buddy can vanquish him and earn lots of round table brownie points.”

“So…”

“So the first spell was just one word, and the text below it said that saying it twice adds to your arms. Well, that was exciting  –  I’ve always wanted to be built all muscular like you. So for the fun of it, and I guess secretly hoping it would work, I sounded it out. Twice.”

“And you though it would increase your arms in size, not in  –  ”

“Not in quantity. Yeah.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you’ve got six arms.”

“Well, this is embarrassing. I couldn’t really believe it had happened, so I, well, said it twice more just to know for sure that I wasn’t imagining things.”

“Wow. What kind of word was it, anyway? What does it sound like?”

Olokolopagnifracciamus.

Ocolocofrappucino?”

Olokolopagnifracciamus. Fuck!! You did that on purpose!”

“Yeah. Wow, those arms just appeared out of nowhere! They didn’t grow out or anything, they just like  –  popped onto you. Can I touch them?”

“Go ahead.”

“Wow, they feel totally real.”

“They are real.”

“And buff. Man, these are firm.”

“Shit, now I’ve got eight of these big fucking hands to figure out what to do with.”

“So I’m guessing that the fact that you’re so tall now  –  ?”

“Yeah, yeah. Well, I was looking for something to undo the arm spell, right? But all of them were like spells to make you all hairy, or to turn you green, or to give you one big Cyclops eye. All this stuff to make you look freaky for the villagers.”

“Wow, whoever wrote this thing really had tunnel vision. Where is this book now, anyway?”

“I’ll get to that. You can stop feeling up my arms if you want, by the way.”

“In a minute. So the height?”

“Well there was this spell, about ten pages in, that was about increasing your size. And I read about it, and then went on looking for the undo spell, and then I went back to it, because I’ve always wanted to be taller, too, right?”

“You weren’t that short before.”

“Easy for you to say. So I tried the spell. But it turns out it wasn’t to increase the size of your body, it was to increase your  –  size.”

“What? Oh. Is this bulge all your  –  oh my fucking god, that thing is huge! Is that all you?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Does it  –  does it work?”

Oh yeah.”

“Fuck, that’s a freaking monster. That was one powerful spell.”

“Well, I did use it a couple times. Okay, five.”

“Fuuuuck. Can I  –  um, would you tell me how– stop grinning! Look, just forget  –  ”

Phallomagnomarios. Say it twice.”

Phallomagnomarios. Phallomagnomarios. Uhhhhnh, I feel weird  –  fuck! You fucker, that didn’t grow my cock, it gave me another one! You fucking piece of sh  –  stop laughing, it’s not funny!”

“Yes it is! It so is.”

“Well  –  ”

“Besides, I didn’t want to be the only freak with extra cocks.”

“Oh fuck  –  I didn’t even see the kielbasa running down your other leg!”

“Having lots of hands piled in your lap can be helpful in hiding your equipment. Anyway the growth one is Phallomagnepophorios.

“Right, I’m sure.”

“Haha, honest, I swear.”

Phallomagnepophorios. Phallomagnepophorios. Oooohhhh, whoa, shit, things just got really tight in there. Ow. Owwwww. Shit, I gotta break this stuff free. Do you mind if I –”

“Please.”

“Man, the zipper is like really strained, I don’t know if I can  –  there it goes. Ahhh. Now I just need to haul these ou—or, okay, you can do it, that works too.”

“Well, your other hand is busy caressing my triceps, and I got extra hands I don’t know what to do with.”

“Want me to stop?”

“No. It feels nice.”

“Good. Don’t stop that either. Man, that growth spell really works. I was a grower before, but shit.”

“There’s one just for girth, you know.”

“Um. That’s cool. Um. Did you use it?”

“Only once. It’s really strong.”

“Wow. Um –shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to get so much precum all over your arms like that.”

“No problem. I like how your cocks are, um, glistening with it like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…”

“Dude—”

“What?”

“Is there a spell for getting my roommate to go down on my huge horny monster boners?”

“No spell necessary.”

Description That book of spells sure has a lot of funny words in it.

Votes(2)
Talk
Views
6,450
Words
1,283
AddedMarch 2013
Updated22 Mar 2013
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