“Wow, someone’s parents have money”
“I never knew my parents actually.” I can see how awkward I’ve just made things and I start to stammer an apology. He interrupts.
“Hey. Whoa. Sorry. That was my fault. I shouldn’t have assumed. Look, you’re doing me a huge solid and that was a jerk thing to say. Are we good?” I nod and walk through the living room to the second bedroom where I place his suitcase. I see him still standing in the living room looking around. When I think about it compared to his apartment I guess it is quite a change. He’s still living with semi-disposable Swedish furniture in a student apartment and this place is one of the most expensive buildings in town. “So what do you do? For work I mean? Are you a doctor?”
“I mostly do contract stuff. You can make yourself at home. Anywhere except that room.” I point to my bedroom. “That’s my room. I mean, it’s not off limits or anything.” When what I just said catches up to my brain I hope like hell he doesn’t take it the wrong way. “I’m going to make myself something to eat, you want anything?”
He smiles but it seems genuine, not mocking. “Whatever you’re having is fine. And I’ll get you for half the groceries later.” He collapses on the couch on turns on some sports channel.
I love cooking. Having gone through years where there was barely enough food to live on, being able to make whatever I want is such a pleasure. And I find the process relaxing. I call to mind a recipe I’d gotten last year for Cottage Pie from an acquaintance who is a damn good chef. I start to unwind while the beef is browning. The drippings make a perfect base for the gravy. The potato and parsnip mash is going to be fantastic with a few fresh herbs, butter and sour cream. I’m humming softly to myself and enjoying the work. As I’m getting close to done I look up to find him sitting on the couch with his back to the television, just watching me. “What are you making? It smells incredible and I don’t think that’s just because I’ve been eating hospital food for the last while.”
I can’t help it, I blush. I’m going to have to learn to control myself around Scott. I serve up a small piece for myself and a double portion for the giant athlete on my couch. After the first bite he makes a noise that I assume means he approves but it’s a deep groan and I can feel it in my balls. I can’t help but imagine eliciting that sound from him as I’m worshipping his body. I go rock hard and once again blush a deep red. Thankfully he doesn’t seem to notice, he’s so wrapped up in his food. After we’re done he actually scrapes his plate for every last crumb. When I tell him there’s more he goes and helps himself. “I can honestly say this is the best damn thing I’ve ever eaten. Where did you learn to cook like that?”
“It’s not my recipe. My friend is a chef. He just told me what to do and I…. I love cooking because it’s so easy. You just follow the steps and….. ta-da.” He looks at me like he’s going to say something but instead he grabs the dishes and hobbles over to the sink.
“So….. as long as we’re getting to know each other….. I really am sorry for you not knowing your parents. I lost mine a few years back in a car crash and I’ve also been on my own since then. So I kind of am amazed at you seeming to have your whole life together at such a young age. If I didn’t have hockey I don’t know what I’d be doing. So what is this contract work you were talking about?”
“Ummmmm…..well…. I guess the simple way to explain it is that people call me with problems they can’t figure out and I solve them.”
He seems to close up a bit. I’m not great at reading people but even I can see I must have said something wrong. “Well, thanks again for taking me in and feeding me, but it’s been a long week. Can I just grab a quick shower and go to bed?”
When I wake up the next morning, it’s to soft music coming through from the living room. I lie in bed for a few minutes enjoying the sound. Before my folks died I used to play piano so I know how challenging that Rachmaninov concerto is. This version is faster than it’s usually played, but still beautifully articulated. Why am I not surprised he has good taste in music and tracked down the best recording I’ve ever heard of a piece I love? I struggle into my clothes and poke my head out the door. My jaw almost hits the ground when I see Eric with his back to me, his fingers flying over the keys. I just stand there for the entire third movement wondering who the hell this guy is. He looks like he’s barely twenty. He has the medical knowledge of a doctor, he cooks like a chef and he plays like a concert pianist. When he finishes I yell out “Encore!” and am rewarded with another one of his blushes.
“I thought you were still asleep. I didn’t wake you did I? I turned the volume way down but I can use headphones next time.”
“No… I woke up on my own. That bed is amazing. But….. Rach II? I’ve been dreaming of being good enough to learn that for years and I know I’ll never be close. That was….wow!”
He gets a shy smile. “You know classical music? You play?”
I nod. “Yeah. Haven’t had anything to play on for a few years since well…. you understand. But I used to love it.”
“You’re welcome to use it anytime while you’re here. I mean it. There’s a ton of music on the shelf over there.” He waves his hand vaguely in the direction of one of the bookshelves. “Oh, breakfast is on the stove if you want it”.
And with those words I’m off as fast as my gimpy legs will carry me. There’s bacon and potatoes and eggs and a bunch of stuff that I’ve never seen before but it’s all amazing. Like I can never go back to eating in restaurants because his food is way better level of amazing. I can’t help letting out another deep moan of appreciation. This time I’m sure I see him react. I guess that answers that. Question is, what happens if I let things progress and then he loses interest? I’m out on my ass and shit out of luck is what happens. No. Better to keep this just friends for now. Maybe after I’m back in my place we can try a date.
“I have some work to drop off this afternoon. I should be back around 6. We can have dinner together if you want and again….. treat this like it’s your place.” He locks the door and I can’t help but grin. Finally starting to see that silver lining everyone keeps talking about. I even fantasize a little about how fun it would be to make him lose his tightly wound control for once and see him cumming. Ok…. I know I’m starting to fall for him. Just got to make it through these next few weeks to give us the best chance of really building something.
A week goes by and this already feels more like home to me than my old crappy apartment. Not just because it’s amazing. And it is. But more because of the time we spend together. He started teaching me how to cook. I even got him to watch some hockey with me. Every day or two he goes to work for a few hours and I chill. Today though I thought I might try the piano while he’s not here. I go over to the bookshelf and look for some sheet music. Clearly I’m in the wrong place because instead I see a notebook with a really fucking weird title hand written on the side: Publish Posthumously. I know I shouldn’t be looking, but I can’t seem to stop myself. The first page says Twin Prime Conjecture and it’s followed by a whole lot of algebra, calculus and greek letters that I can’t even begin to follow. At the bottom are the letters QED. I flip to the next page. Different title, same basic idea. I carefully put the book back in place. I pull out my phone and google Twin Prime Conjecture. The first result says it’s one of the most difficult but relevant unsolved math problems of our generation. Same with all the other pages. Then a new thought occurs to me. I google the letters QED. It means Quod Erat Demonstrandum which translates today basically as booyah, I win.
I go back to the notebook. It is literally full of these proofs. Dozens of them. I’m so freaked out that I apparently don’t even hear the front door open. I’ve got my back to Eric so it’s not until he’s right next to me that I realise he can see the results of my snooping. He doesn’t seem upset though. More surprised than anything.
“Were you reading that?”
“Um… sorry. I think we both know this is all Greek to me.”
He giggles at my lame joke. “It’s okay you know. I told you you had the run of the place. It’s fine”
I let out a relieved sigh. “I’m still sorry though. The title should have told me to leave it alone, but that’s kind of what wouldn’t let me walk away either y’know.” He shrugs. “Eric, can I ask you…. is this what it looks like? Are these all solved?”
For some reason he blushes now “Yeah, but obviously I’d rather you kept that to yourself.”
“But….. why? This is…. you’re amazing? If I could do this I’d be shouting it from the rooftops.”
He looks at me like he’s sizing me up. Not with desire. Not with shyness. This is something new. He’s deciding whether to trust me. “I…..have my reasons for not wanting to draw any attention to myself. You stood up for me when you didn’t even know me. I mean, you’re obviously straight and you still stood up for this gay guy that you never even met. In a lot of ways I trust you. But our friendship is still so new. And I’m not good at letting all my walls down. I want to tell you more, but I know I’m not ready yet. It really doesn’t mean I’m ungrateful or say anything about you. But for now, will you agree to keep this secret for me?” And then he looks at me with these pleading eyes. Like I’d be doing him a huge fucking favour. I can see him almost vibrating with nerves. That’s when I know I’m done for. Common sense be damned I’m not waiting a few weeks.
I lean over to him and say, “I’ll keep your secret. It’s the least I can do after all you’ve done for me. But….” I lean closer and put my mouth right against his ear. He shivers when he feel the scratch of my stubble. “I have a secret too that you haven’t guessed. I think you’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met and I’d really like to take you to my bed right now if you’d let me.” And I suck his earlobe into my mouth. He looks like he’s about to fall over but I’ve got him in my arms and a second later his come around the back of my neck. I lift him up and somehow hobble over to my bedroom. The little sounds he’s making are driving me crazy and his hands are everywhere. I lay him down gently on his back and it’s obvious we’re both already rock hard. I ruck up his shirt and see the smooth beautiful runner’s build I imagined. He’s staring at my big hand on his nipple as I tease it and that elicits another moan from him. “Eric…. baby…. there’s no pressure here. This can be whatever you want it to. Have you done this before? What do you like?”
He laughs a bit at that and says, “I’m still catching up here….. you’re gay?”
That gets a full belly laugh out of me because he really does seem to be just catching up to that fact. “Yup. Membership card and everything”.
He actually hits me when I say that. “Shut up. And I’m not a virgin so you don’t have to treat me like I’m made of porcelain. God, if you knew what we’ve already done in my fantasies you wouldn’t be so….”
He trails off as I raise an eyebrow. I move my hands lower to where his abs give way to his Adonis belt. God, he is even fitter than I realised. “So you gonna tell me about them or should I keep trying things until I get it right?” And with one hard yank his pants come off and I’m left palming him through his underwear. I move in to kiss him and he tastes like coffee and mint. He really is a good kisser. Just the right amount of give and take and holy shit whatever he just did to my lower lip was sexy as hell. I groan and move my mouth to his neck.
“You made that….. sound every time….. you were try… trying my…..cooking…. and I…..I wanted…..” He trails off. By now my mouth has moved past his pecs and down to his abs.
I look up at him and prompt, “You wanted….”
He gives me a shy smile. “I dreamed of making you make that noise in bed. Which you just did. So we can check that off my…..” He loses his words as I pull down his underwear and deep throat him in one move. His hands are in my hair and it feels amazing. I’ve never been with anyone as responsive as he is. The way he’s looking at me right now is intoxicating. I can feel him getting close and he tries to get me to back off a little but there is no way. I redouble my efforts and a few seconds later he explodes into my mouth. I let his semi-hard cock slide free and I move up to lay beside him.
“What about you Scott. I really want…. I mean.. I’m sorry I got off so quick… it’s just….”
“Hey… hey….. “ I gently cup his face. He’s looking at me with lust and need and a bit of shame. “I take it as a compliment to my awesome skills that you came so fast. And we’ve got all day. Hell we’ve got weeks to do this again as often as we want. And I definitely want to do a lot more with you. But for right now, I just want you to feel good..” And I wrap him up in my body. He fits perfectly and I can see his worry lines fading. But it looks like he still has something on his mind. “Spit it out Eric. Tell me how you’re feeling babe. What do you need?”
“I just can’t believe this is real. You’re like… well.. you know….”
“I think I know where this is going. And I’m really not an asshole or an egomaniac, but I think we need to talk about this if we’re going to date. I’m going to need you to finish that sentence for me.”
He looks really uncomfortable now but I hold him tighter with my body and try to show him that I’ve got him. That he’s wanted. “You’re like, some perfect Adonis sports god. You’re the guy every gay man and straight woman looks at and lusts over and I’m just…. well…me.”
“I’m glad that’s out of your system now. So let me tell you where I stand.” I gently rub up and down his arms. I put my lips on the sensitive skin between his neck and his shoulder and nuzzle him there while I go on speaking. “First of all, you should know that I find you really sexy. No matter how much else I like about you we would never be in bed together unless that was there. I love your tight body. Second, I know you don’t like attention but you happen to be world class at pretty much fucking everything. Maybe there are some people on this planet who are smarter or more talented than you but I fucking doubt it. Third, when I had no options you just opened up your home to me and took care of me. If anything, I’m just your run of the mill jock who doesn’t deserve you.” I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t quite see his own worth the way I do, and he still holds me up on some kind of pedestal, but I also see he recognises my sincerity. “For now babe, can we just enjoy each other and you take me at my word that I want this at least as much as you do?”
When he sighs happily and drifts off to sleep in my arms I know I have my answer.
“Fuck Eric, you feel amazing.” I can’t even form words to answer him right now, but I’m pretty sure he can read the lust, pleasure and love radiating out of me so I don’t worry about it too much. He’s moving faster and hitting just the right spot and I know it’s going to be a struggle to hold on. “I’m so close Eric…..come for me babe?” And with those words whispered in my ear I can’t hold it anymore. I tighten up and see stars. A second later I can feel him releasing inside of me with a deep growl. We just lie there bonelessly for a few seconds, basking in the afterglow of the best sex I’ve ever had. I want to tell him how amazing that was. I reach out to caress his face.
His eyes focus on my wrist and gently pull it closer for a look. I know what’s coming and I can’t help it, I immediately start to shut down. “What are these markings babe?” He looks at my other wrist and sees matching scars. “What the hell Eric?”
I can feel myself starting to shake. I’m flooded with shame. “It’s…. it’s not what you think. I wouldn’t…. I would never….. I didn’t…” But I can’t tell him even to reassure him. He’s looking at me, waiting for more and I’m clearly going to have to tell him something. “Years ago….. when I was just a kid….. I don’t really ever talk about it Scott. I had a foster home where…… fuck….I can’t okay. Just…. I was never suicidal. He did this to me but…..”
His eyes are filled with rage and love and pity and I can’t bear to look at him, but thankfully he just pulls me to his chest and I can feel myself coming apart. He holds me and peppers my hair with soft kisses and murmurs of comfort. “You’re okay babe….I’m sorry…… I got you……you don’t have to talk about it…..” Even as I soak up his words like water in a desert, I can’t help but worry that I’m too broken for him and that he’ll lose interest or patience soon. I grip him tighter, determined to hold on to him while I can.
I open the door and see five of the books open around him, a few tossed haphazardly on the floor. “I don’t want to spoil the ending, but Rosebud is the sled.”
He chuckles and gets up to give me a light kiss. He blushes and it’s fucking adorable. “I um…… I’m ready. Or rather… you’re ready. We should start today.” I lift a questioning eyebrow. “Oh.. um… your physio.”
“Nurse said that wasn’t until 10 days from now”
“Yeah, well, I read some things that suggest that we can start now. It’s going to be tough but studies show you’ll make a quicker, more complete recovery if we stimulate the….. just trust me?” I look at the books scattered around and wonder how the hell he became an expert in three hours. It’s not possible, even for someone as smart as him but…. fact is he’s literally a pro at everything he does. It shouldn’t be possible but the more I think about it, the more I believe he knows just what I need. He can see the moment I come around. “Good, go put on some shorts and I’ll meet you in the living room.”
Thirty minutes later I’m covered in sweat. That was brutal and humiliating. The feeling of my body betraying me after all the work I put in to building it up, I could barely do the most basic exercises. And Eric might know what my body needs, but having him watch me struggle like that was tough on my ego. He also knows shit about the psychological side of this because he was either pushing way too hard or apologising. By the end of a long hot shower I’ve determined to try one or two more sessions with him and if it doesn’t improve I’ll have to think about how to tell him I want to go see a professional.
When I step out of the shower I wrap the towel around my waist and walk toward my bedroom when I’m diverted by the most amazing smell. I detour to the kitchen where I see him in his element, humming away while he works. Looks like some kind of meat and pasta for dinner and my stomach grumbles appreciatively. He looks up and notices me then and his eyes linger on my stomach. Next thing I know he’s got his arms around my neck and the towel is on the floor. I lift him easily and put him on the marble counter top as I pull off his pants. “Fuck that’s cold!” So I pick him up and he throws his legs around my waist. My legs are already dead from the workout but somehow I hobble over to the shower. He’s still got his shirt on when I turn the water on full blast. He’s playing with my nipple and it’s starting to drive me crazy so I shove him up against the tiled wall and devour his mouth while teasing his hole. His touches on my chest and abs feel like worship and I can’t believe this amazing man wants me so badly.
“I want you inside me now……fuck me….. please……I’m ready babe.”
Still holding him off the ground I slowly ease my way in, letting his body lower an inch at a time. His lips latch on to mine and stay locked there, My arms and legs are burning from lifting him, but this is the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever done and from the sounds he’s making he clearly agrees. It’s not long before I feel him explode and he tightens around my cock. The orgasm rips through me, stealing all the strength from my muscles and I nearly drop him, but somehow manage to hold on. We spend the next few minutes washing each other and I know this has gone way beyond sex for me. All I can hope is that he feels the same.
“Do you think….I mean… would you ever…..” I see him struggling so I kiss him and wait for him to find his words. “Would you ever bottom for me?”
Oh. Shit. “Ummm… I only tried it once and it wasn’t really something I want to try again.” I watch him try to shutter the disappointment in his eyes. “Sorry babe. I’m sure I can find ways to make it up to you.” I smirk at him and I see him smile. It even looks mostly genuine.
Life settles into a routine each day where we work on my leg, eat his amazing food and have sex way more often than I ever thought I would. He works for a few hours while I do weights to maintain the rest of my body and in the evenings we started going out on real dates. The physio is brutal and there are times when I question if I’ll ever be able to play again, and what I’ll do if I can’t, but at least I can see the progress.
The first time we went out the waitress was obviously flirting with me. I loved seeing the look on his face change from worry to adoration when I shut her down by kissing him in what he later confessed was his first real pda. He even seems to be getting more confident with me every day. The nervous mannerisms are slowly disappearing and I can’t help but feel proud that I’m partially responsible for his new found sense of self-confidence.
Two nights ago we stopped pretending that we had separate bedrooms and I finally moved all my stuff into his room. Laying in bed together with my arm around him I find I’m happier than anytime I can remember since my folks passed, maybe even happier than I’ve ever been. He’s sexy as hell, so kind and thoughtful and the most talented person I’ve ever met. I stop trying to figure out why a guy like him is even interested in me and just thank my lucky stars that when he looks at me… it’s so clear he’s crazy about me. I can see it now looking into his eyes. I’m falling in love. I don’t even realise I’ve said the words out loud until his eyes go big. For a full minute he doesn’t say anything and his face is running through so many expressions I can’t possibly keep up. But I know him now. I trust him. I wait for him to find his footing and try not to feel slighted. Finally he touches my face and gives me the most tender kiss. But as he sits up he squares his shoulders and I can see his nostrils flaring like a nervous colt. He puts on his boxers and looks at me with a pained expression. I can already feel myself tensing up.
His voice is a whisper, but the words come out clearly. “Scott, there are things I should tell you. Things I should have told you a long time ago.” I wait with my heart in my throat and he finally goes on. “I know I haven’t told you much about my past. It’s not a good story but I’m ready to tell you about it sometime. But right now, I just need to tell you some things about me. Things that I’ve been keeping from you.”
What… the… actual… fuck? My mind is jumping to the worst conclusions. “Eric, this is not helping babe. Can you just fucking tell me already?”
“Right. Um. You already know that I learn pretty fast right? I see things once and I know it. I don’t know why, it’s just always been that way for me. Well, there’s more to it than that.” I can feel a sense of relief starting to creep in. He’s not cheating on me. There’s no dark secret. I start to feel like whatever it is, it’s going to be okay. “You know how a sculptor can take a block of marble and even though no one else sees it he can shape the marble to reveal the statue inside?” Now I’m really confused as to where this is all going, but I nod. “Um…. right… I can do that with cells. With the body I mean.” He looks at me like I’m going to explode.
Instead I laugh. “I don’t really get it babe. I mean, I know you’re smart but I don’t feel anything but proud of you for that. Why would you even think otherwise?”
For a moment he seems to gather himself. Then he reaches out to my leg, exactly where I got shot. I trust him though. I hold still. He gently peels off the bandage but I can still feel the hairs pulling. He lays his hand beside the wound and I start to get this weird tingle in my leg from his touch. His eyes are closed and he’s doing that face where I can tell he’s concentrating on something. I start to kiss him to reassure him but that’s when I feel it. The tingling is getting much stronger so look down and I can actually see it. The wound is closing. Flesh is knitting itself back together. In a few seconds the pain is completely gone, as is the wound with no sign it’s ever been there. I look at him and he’s biting his lip to the point where it’s starting to bleed.
This shouldn’t be possible? This is fucking incredible. And then the realisations start to come into my head. They go right out my mouth before I even blink. “You just healed me. You touched me and my leg is fine?” I can hear the edge of hysteria in my voice. Eric takes a step back.
“It’s like I can see how your healthy leg is supposed to look and I just….. I don’t know…. I just convince the cells to do that?”
“So for the last few months, you could have done that anytime?”
He turns bright red. “Yes, but….”
“And you just thought, what? His life is falling apart. His future in sports is up in smoke and he’s in a shit ton of pain. Physical therapy is hell and his confidence is shattered, but what? You like playing nurse so let’s not rock the boat? He’s stuck in my bed like this so why mess with it?” My voice is rising until I’m shouting at the end, I can see Eric back up and hug his knees. I feel like a dick for causing him pain but even more I’m so hurt and betrayed and I need answers.
“I’m sorry Scott”. His voice is barely a whisper and I can see him starting to cry.
“I’m nowhere near as smart as you, but I know when something is too broken to fix.” He’s cowering like I’m going to hit him. I feel sick that he could ever think I would. I guess we really don’t know each other as well as we thought. “Well, both this relationship and you are broken in ways I don’t think I can ever repair.” I realise how awful that is the moment it’s out of my mouth. I realise it’s not even true. It’s shame that has me grabbing my phone, wallet, jeans and shirt. I pointedly leave my key on the nightstand. He doesn’t say anything to stop me as I leave.
Instead I see Ryan’s name come up.
Ryan: Can we talk?
Scott: How is he?
Ryan: Not good Scott. You need to know a few more things. 2785 Dupont St.
Scott: Yeah, okay. I know I was a dick. I’ll be there in 20
Throughout the cab ride I wonder how much more my world will be turned upside down. And how much grovelling I’m going to have to do to get a second chance because I’ve already made up my mind on that score. The cab pulls up in front of a neat townhouse. I see an attractive brunette pulling out of the driveway in her car and I mentally readjust what I know about Ryan. He’s standing in the doorway with a weird expression on his face. He ushers me into the kitchen and after grabbing a mug of coffee each we sit down.
“You probably never heard about how Eric and I became friends, did you?”
“Honestly? I figured you guys hooked up a while back. I wasn’t sure if I should be jealous or not.”
A burst of laughter escapes him at that and he ends up snorting a bit. “Is that what you thought?. I think my wife of 12 years would have something to say about that.” He chuckles for a bit, but then I see him turn deadly serious. “Unfortunately the real story is about as shitty as it gets.”
He slides over a manila folder. I raise an eyebrow at him and open it. I’m not sure what I’m expecting to find, but what’s inside has me instantly seeing red. There are 4 photos of Eric clearly looking like a teenager. But in these photos he looks like a wild animal. His hair is matted and dirty. He’s all skin and bones and his eyes….. his eyes are lifeless. In one photo I can see he’s handcuffed to a radiator. His wrists are raw and bleeding. I’m having trouble focusing. I close my eyes to block out the details and close the folder. “What the fuck is this?” My voice sounds inhuman even to me.
“When I found him, it was my second year as a cop. I had a warrant to bring this guy in on relatively minor charges. I had him cuffed and ready to go when I heard something from downstairs. Asshole tried to tell me it was the dog. I walk downstairs and I see this kid chained up like a fucking animal. Worse.”
I can feel a dam breaking inside me but Ryan doesn’t stop.
“Apparently he’d been there for years chained to that fucking wall. At first I couldn’t get him to talk. But when I started to call it in he suddenly found his voice. He just said please don’t. My heart was breaking for this kid but I told him I had to call it in. Before I knew what was happening I heard a noise from the stairs. Seems the asshole had gotten out of his cuffs somehow and found his gun. We both fired and he died on scene. I was luckier and got hit in the arm. Next thing I know the kid is reaching for me and I bet you can guess what happened next. So here’s this starved abused kid who somehow fucking heals a gunshot in my arm begging me not to report him. Begging me not to put him in the system. Turns out he was 3 months from his eighteenth birthday. I brought him home with me and treated him like a brother or a son or whatever until he was okay to move out a few years ago.”
I feel like I can’t breathe. Finally Ryan seems to notice or care and he stops for a minute. “There’s more but you’re through the worst of it.” A minute later I give him a small uncertain nod. “The first time he healed someone it was that jackass of a foster parent who chained him up. He was 9 at the time. The guy said that it was to keep him safe from the world who wouldn’t leave him alone if they knew what he could do. But he beat the crap out of him regularly and made him feel less than human. He hasn’t even told me all of it, but the fact that he survived it with some of his spirit still intact is a miracle. Something you should know Scott…. threatening body language, yelling at him….. it sends him right back to that place. He’s not going to defend himself. He hasn’t come that far yet. He just makes apologies to try to keep you from hitting him. He told me about your fight. I didn’t get all the details but I can surmise what happened. Look, you didn’t know. You were probably waiting for him to explain himself. To tell you you were wrong. To make it make sense. But he was right back in that basement trying to make himself small and not get hit. If you’re serious about him, and I think you are, you’re going to have to keep that in mind.”
I can feel bile rising in my throat at the thought that I brought him back to that state of mind. I manage a nod.
“The only people who know about him are you, me and that dead sack of shit. Even my wife doesn’t know everything and she was as close to a mother as he ever had. If he trusted you enough to tell you it means something. It means a lot. And he gave me permission to explain the rest to you, so he knows we’re talking about this. He hasn’t left his place since you took off and he looks even worse than you, no offense. I figure it’s about time you go take care of that, no? I can drive you. And for fuck’s sake, you guys need to take a shower.” The way he phrased that evidently sinks in a moment later because he blushes.
We don’t say anything on the ride over. It gives me the time to think about what a mess I’ve made and how I’m going to fix it.
I’ve come to a few conclusions already. The first is that despite the things he said, I’m not even angry at him. He didn’t know what I’ve been through and of course it hurt him that I acted like I did. That I didn’t show more trust. That I withheld the help I could have given anytime. It shouldn’t matter that I was petrified to have my life stolen again, to have someone I trust betray me. That stuff is in the past and is was never Scott who did that to me. He’s nothing like anyone I ever met and I know I can trust him. I’ve felt it for a long time. I should have.
Fuck this is torture. For a supposedly smart guy I can be a real idiot sometimes. It’s great that I have these epiphanies after it’s too late to matter. Ryan says I shouldn’t give up yet, but I can’t imagine Scott ever wanting me again. My phone buzzes.
Ryan: I’m driving him over. Be there in 15.
I look at the state of my apartment. At my unshowered smelly self. Damn it! I nearly trip over my pants running to the shower. I’m pretty sure I still have shampoo in my hair as I’m drying it a few minutes later. I pull on some pants and grab a trash bag and collect the worst of the mess that’s accumulated over the last 100 hours. I’m about half done when the doorbell rings. I drop the bag and find myself rooted to the spot. My heart is beating a mile a minute. The bell rings again. I leave the bag in the middle of the floor and go unlock the door. As it opens I realise I’m still half dressed. And then I see him there. He’s wearing a closed off expression that I’ve never seen before on his normally expressive face. He won’t even meet my eyes. Fuck, he’s come to get his things and say goodbye. I turn around and try to rebuild the shattered pieces of the wall around my heart.
“Are you okay? Do you want me to leave?”
“No, no…. it’s fine. You can pack your things up now if you want.” My heart is broken. I want to beg him to stay but I know it’s pointless and it’ll only make him uncomfortable so I say nothing.
“Can we talk Eric? I…. I didn’t know. But it shouldn’t matter. I should have never said those things.”
“It was my fault really. What you said was true. I was selfish, I hurt you and I get why you don’t want me anymore.” My voice breaks at the end and I tell myself I just need to hold it together for a few more minutes. When I feel his hands wrap around me I just lose it. He’s holding me up as I’m sobbing and I feel so broken.
“Look at me. Please Eric.” He sets me down on the couch but he’s still right there with me, both his hands cupping my face. “I’m going to start by telling you that I still want you. I’m still insanely in love with you and if you forgive me I promise to do better.” I let out the most unattractive sound ever as the surprise and relief of that statement hit me. “What you’ve been through…. I get it now why you had those walls up. Why you couldn’t tell me. The fact that you did after just a few months is amazing. And the minute you gave me your trust I threw it right back in your face. I’m so ashamed baby. Do you think….. is it possible we can try again?”
I don’t have to think before climbing into his lap and putting my arms around his neck. A sense of rightness hits me so hard, a sense of coming home, being safe and loved. We just kiss and hold each other for a few minutes, but we both seem to gather the same sense of urgency as he effortlessly lifts me up and walks us to the bedroom.
His lips are right by my ear and my heart just about explodes with happiness as I remember him doing this the first time he told me he wanted me. “Eric, would you fuck me tonight please?” I thought I was already hard but my cock literally pulses when he says that. I look at him questioningly and he says “I’m sure babe. Just go slow at first.”
He lays back on the bed and I breathe warm air on his cock. I’m rewarded with one of his low moans that I find so sexy. I spend a few minutes licking and teasing him before my fingers start playing with his ass. When I feel him relaxing I slide my tongue down to his crack and see his hips buck involuntarily. Apparently my guy likes rimming. Noted. He’s pulling my hair and it’s driving me crazy but he seems even more lost to lust than I am right now. After a few minutes I can tell he’s ready for more. I grab the condom and lube and use one hand on each of us while our eyes remain locked. I want to just push in but I go slowly. At first I’m not even sure he’ll take the tip, but then he relaxes a bit. I start to push in a little further but his breathing catches and I pause. I keep jacking him and when I feel him relax I slowly push all the way in. I look at the god beneath me and I’m still in awe that this is real. That this is my life now. He’s looking back up at me with the same expression and I can’t help but feeling like I’ve won the lottery.
I’m moving slowly, but once I hit his prostate a few times he makes a low growl and speeds up, using his strength to control our rhythm. I love that feeling of strength and dominance he gives off, even as he’s bottoming for me.
“Fuck…. Eric….. you feel so……” He cums all over his abs and chest and it’s the headiest sensation of power that I can make a man like him feel that. I thrust hard one more time and follow him into climax. When I pull out he puts his arm around me and spoons me the way we both love. As we collapse into sleep, I know I’m right where I belong.