After years of unsuccessful dating, meaningless one-night stands, and more or less horrible breakups, I was finally ready to accept the type of person I was. Before, I had dated everyone who would volunteer; I didn’t like being alone. I wasn’t picky, either, I entered more than a few relationships I’m not proud of today.
But I am proud to finally embrace myself because after all, isn’t that what adulthood is all about? Finding out who you truly are, knowing yourself, loving yourself? I finally did. And after a lonely, sexless year, I met a guy named Dylan.
“How?” you might ask.
… Grindr. But really, this story isn’t about how I found him, it’s about what I found.
Basically, I found myself a huge-ass dick. When I created the profile, I made it clear what I was looking for. It took some time, but here he was, possibly the man of my (wet) dreams.
His first question was quite obvious considering my on-point bio.
“So, you want to date a guy with a big dick?” he asked.
“Yeah, I don’t wanna fuck around anymore. Have one?”
I was quite surprised that he was writing to me—because judging by his looks, he could’ve picked whoever he wanted. His profile pic showed off a buzzcut and a strong, broad jawline. I couldn’t see much below his shoulders, but his shirt seemed to be stretched tightly over an athletic build. He might have been wearing an XS, who knows. For some people out there, it would be a negative to read that he only was 5’8” but I somehow was into it from the beginning.
Half an hour later (yes he kept me waiting) he wrote “I’m not usually the guy who sends dick pics to everyone, but I guess you want to see the cow before buying it. I do this because you’re cute. And you know what you want.”
I saw it, and my dick jumped to life immediately. I was rock hard within the blink of an eye, and I even had to open my pants to give my penis more room to grow. I’m so glad I was at home at the time we wrote… and not on my way to work, which was when I usually scrolled through Grindr and checked messages.
It was a shot of him waist down in briefs, and hell he could fill them out. The seams could hardly contain the penis, and because of its soft state, it was hard to guess how long it was. It definitely looked thicker than his wrist. His pouch was so stuffed full of meat the waistband couldn’t lay against his skin the way it was supposed to. The dick grew down, then turned up again when it ran out of space. It looked like a fat little anaconda, trying to find a way out of its prison. In the end, his head rested right next to the base of his shaft—there’s just no way that his pair of briefs could survive a hard-on.
Seeing this, I immediately wondered how he could stuff a bulge like that into a pair of jeans. It looked so fucking big and juicy! The gods of sex and masculinity truly blessed him—if it wasn’t fake. I tried to keep my expectations down because this could be, after all, a scam. Someone pranking gay guys online with shopped pics they made or found on the web, someone with too much time on their hands of course.
Dylan: I hope it’s not too big,
My heart was pounding, beating like my cock lying on my stomach.
Josh: It sounds like you had some bad experiences in the past.
He replied quickly.
Dylan: It’s a fucking big thing that has caused some trouble, yes. I wanna find someone who appreciates me as the person I am and not as the circus freak they want me to be.
Josh: I would never do that. I mean, damn, you’re blessed! And I’m not looking for a quick fuck here. Enough of that.
Dylan: That’s great! And sorry for the pic. I had to be sure that you won’t run off directly. I had fun nights before, and then they pull down my pants or feel the bulge I’m carrying and flee with some lame-ass excuse.
Josh: I will not run off. Not only because you have the package I’ve been dreaming of for years now but because you also seem like a decent guy!
That was our first online conversation. After that, we followed each other on Instagram, and a week of chatting and commenting on each other’s life started. He was a fun guy, and I honestly couldn’t wait to meet him. I scrolled through his whole InstaAccount. He had it set to private because you could see a massive dick print in some pictures. I’m sure he would have had thousands of followers otherwise… but it looked like he tried to avoid showing off his monster bulge.
It was impossible to stay soft, looking through all his pictures.
And then the doubt hit me. Judging by his photos, he had plenty of friends, a nice stocky athletic body, an admirable job at the hospital… that monstrous pecker. He was just fucking handsome. A stud. I imagine he could have had a promising career as a model, had he been just a bit taller.
So… why was this guy still on the market?
Well, that would be a question for our first date. Speaking of which…we texted a little more.
Josh: So, when are you free?
Dylan: How about tomorrow?
Josh: Sounds good to me.
Dylan: Wanna go to the zoo? I love the zoo.
I admit I was a little surprised by his suggestion to have our first date at the zoo. What was he, six? Right after thinking those words, I smacked myself in the face and stepped off my high horse.
He liked the zoo? I liked the zoo, and we would have a wonderful time there, full stop.
Josh: Okay. Let’s meet at the zoo.
Dylan: Lol you’re not that keen on that plan, are you? But wait for it. You’ll see.
You know why I wasn’t that happy with the outdoor activity he had planned for us? Because it was November. The month that isn’t known for drinking margaritas at the beach, but for collecting chestnuts in the woods and chilling in front of a sizzling fireplace.
But please don’t get me wrong, I was excited as fuck. I started preparation three hours before we met, that’s how nervous I was. It was my first date after one year of doing nothing with no one, after all. I trimmed my beard, put on some cologne, brushed my teeth and almost choked on the mouthwash.
Everything was going just fine.
Around five, I took a cab downtown and walked the rest of the way. As I approached the zoo’s big entry gate, my heartbeat became almost audible. I wondered why I was this nervous until I realized: I did not want to blow it. This was the most promising relationship I had in … well, forever.
He wasn’t there yet, so I got my phone out and scrolled through my timeline. Of course, there was this little voice inside me saying that he wasn’t real; that nobody would come…
And then out of nowhere—there he was.
“Josh? Hi, I’m Dylan, but you probably know that.”
We hugged. I liked the way his muscles felt, all wrapped around me.
“Nice to finally meet you!”
Damn, he was just as beautiful in real life as he was online. His bright smile was contagious, and I wished he would never stop looking at me like that. I was quite a bit taller than him at 6’3”. And I loved it.
He tapped my arm and gestured to the small ticket booth in front of the zoo. “Shall we go in?”
The lady behind the counter gave us a strange look when we bought our tickets.
“Okay, but you guys are aware we’re closing the most areas of the zoo in less than an hour, right?” she said.
“That won’t be a problem,” Dylan said. “The evening is fully planned.”
She didn’t say anything else as she took our money. Dylan’s charming smile must have flustered her a bit.
He had a point. There was almost no sunlight left and almost no guests in the park, besides ourselves. With all the pathways and enclosures lit up, the zoo was an incredible sight.
We finally had each other’s full attention. It felt like a proper face-to-face introduction, but the small talk quickly gave way to some more personal details. How his last relationship lasted three years and ended without any warning. How much he loved his mom; how often he visited her. How hard it was to meet his friends when he had to work frequent night shifts in the hospital.
Mid-sentence, he stopped to show me the otters in a nearby pool. They were already asleep, floating on the surface of the water.
“Did you know,” Dylan said, “that otters hold each other’s hands while sleeping, so they don’t drift apart?”
He grabbed my hand and held it tight. I wanted to kiss him right there, right then, but it was too soon. We walked on, still holding hands. He had a warm, firm grip.
I started talking about my career as an independent graphic designer. I talked about my sister who emigrated to Spain for the love of her life years ago and how she lived by herself today. About my college friends and how much I miss having them around regularly. About my dream of opening an agency and specializing in typography.
Dylan listened well while I told him about myself, looking into my eyes on occasion. Our pace slowed as we neared the middle of the park. A large building of iron and glass stood waiting for us to come inside and leave the chilly November air behind.
Dylan nodded at the building. “I know most of the place is closing right about now, but… this restaurant is one of the best in the city. And they’re open a few more hours. You wanna?”
I nearly shouted out “Hell yes!”, but I could hold myself back. Visiting this restaurant had been his plan all along.
He dropped his last name to the hostess, who instantly took us to a reserved table. We’d be dining beside a panorama window overlooking the polar bear compound. The big fuzzy creatures slept soundly, just a few feet on the other side of the glass.
I took my jacket off and sat down. Dylan was still talking to the hostess about something; I couldn’t hear them. He gave her that delightful smile of his (damn, what a smile) and sat down across from me.
Up until this moment, dear reader, I hadn’t even been thinking about the original reason I agreed to date him. He’d charmed me, too, walking and talking and getting to know him.
“How could you forget?” you might be thinking.
I didn’t forget.
I just… misremembered.
Dylan had dressed snappy tonight. A thick coat that hung almost to his knees, combined with a woolly scarf. I studied the rest of his outfit as he draped his coat over his chair. Next came his grey tweed pants and a rich leather belt. An olive green shirt, well-fitted to his build and accentuating his eyes just right.
I caught his eyes for just a second.
And then I sat and stared.
I knew. I knew it already. He sent me that picture. I knew.
But seeing that enormous bulge, here and now, was a completely different story. I thought his zipper was going to burst open. As he hung his coat and pulled his chair out, I saw his entire package actually jiggle. It was like watching a bowl of jello in action.
It wasn’t just cock. Dylan was packing a huge pair of balls in there, too. I could see the contour of both testicles through his pants. I wondered what it was like, shopping for pants to hold those monsters. For underwear. I immediately started dreaming.
And then it was gone, disappeared under the table before he caught me staring.
“Everything okay?” he asked me with a slightly grim expression on his face—something I hadn’t seen before.
“Perfect. Everything’s all right.” It was hard to keep a straight face, watching this extremely erotic thing happen in front of me without anyone noticing.
He leaned in closer.
“I’ve seen that face before. The look you just made, I mean. Don’t be one of these guys.”
“Those guys who get cold feet when they see the size of the package heading their way. I’m fed up with those guys.”
He sounded angry, but I didn’t feel like it was directed at me. More at all the past dates or potential lovers who fled at the sight of his massive appendage.
I understood what he was going through on a personal level. And I didn’t want him to think I was afraid of him or his abilities.
“Listen, I’m sorry. I just lost control over my face here because … I actually almost forgot about how massive you are down there. I’ve been having a wonderful time,” I said in earnest. “I wasn’t even thinking about it. Let me just say this: The photo you sent me really doesn’t do it justice.”
Dylan’s expression softened a tad and I grabbed him by his hand.
“Look, I’m not scared. Actually, I admire it. And I am not going to run off on you.”
Slowly, a small smile appeared. Not his confident seductive look from earlier. Just a gentle little shine.
“That… that actually means a lot to me. Thanks.”
We left the restaurant two hours later, full of food and a little drunk. In the end, I paid for it all, after we had this ‘no I will pay’ dance for about five minutes. We took a shortcut back to the entrance and stopped right in front of the zoo, under a street lamp.
“You know,” Dylan said, “the longer I think about it? I think we had two waitresses tonight.”
“She was pretty damn fast, wasn’t she?” I said.
Dylan nodded. “Maybe she has a twin! It’s the only explanation I can think of…”
The second he finished his sentences, we both started realizing that neither of us wanted this night to end just yet. But here we were, standing right next to Dylan’s car—and we had talked about the end of the date before. Especially the fact that we had all the time in the world and there was no need to rush.
“This was the most wonderful evening I had in months!” I said. I couldn’t keep the huge smile off my face—I was fighting my own excitement and a couple of martinis.
We moved closer together. Dylan smiled back. “It was my pleasure.”
I was closer to his face than I’d ever been.
“Do you have plans for Wednesday?”
He had his arms around my waist with a confident grip. And I loved the way he looked up at me.
“Yes I do, but,” Dylan shrugged. “I’d rather do something with you.”
Was it hot out here or was it all us, that heat?
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said, my heart trembling like a hummingbird.
I closed my eyes right before he leaned in for a kiss and the next thing I could feel were his lips on mine. We couldn’t get any closer, but still, I felt his hands pressing us together, pulling me against his tight little body.
He started smiling as he pulled his face away from me, and he looked down. Of course, we were standing too close together for him to see anything.
“Excuse me,” Dylan chuckled, as he lifted his gaze back to me. “What are you doing down there, mister?”
“Doing what?” I kissed him again, and it took Dylan a while to find words.
“Mmm,” Dylan moaned into the kiss. “With your hand, down there. Pushing, groping me publicly. I thought we were taking it slowly.”
We lost ourselves in another kiss, my tongue finding his. I hold his face with both my hands. Dylan realized that the thing he felt down there weren’t my hands.
I almost wished we hadn’t been kissing, so I could’ve seen his eyes pop wide as the realization dawned on him.
“Josh? What the—?” he started to say.
I kept kissing him. I smiled around his mouth.
“So you haven’t wondered, yet? About what I’m carrying around?”
I ran my fingers through his soft hair.
“Fuck, Josh!? I thought you were just looking for someone to live your fantasy!”
I could almost hear the fabric of his pants, straining, stretching, as he pushed his crotch against mine.
“Nooo, I was looking for someone like me.” I put one last little kiss on his forehead. “And I found even more than that.”
Each of us took a step back.
Luckily, there was no one around, except us.
His poor zipper had finally been defeated. It looked broken beyond repair. More and more of his underwear-covered package swelled out of the gap. The button on his waistband was holding on by a single thread. Seeing this got me even harder.
He pulled his coat together to hide and inspected my comparable situation. Unlike Dylan, I didn’t hide a thing. I presented myself proudly—a rock-hard bulge running down the inner thigh of my jeans, over thirteen inches long, the head was swollen, clearly visible, and larger than a ripe peach.
This time I pulled him nice and tight against myself. “Don’t worry, little guy.” I tucked his head under my chin. “Yours looks way bigger than mine. I still can’t believe how massive it is.”
“I’m so stupid,” he said with a chuckle. Again, I could feel our hefty bulges mushing against each other, rubbing, grinding gently. “I never questioned your search for a huge cock. I just thought you would have a decent five-incher and that’s it. Nothing special.”
“Nope, I’m huge all over.”
We stood there, hugging, enjoying each other’s heat and touch. It seemed a nice way to end the evening.
“I should probably get home before someone sees me like this,” Dylan said.
“Yeah, me too,” I groaned ironically.
I started to walk away, but then I turned back to call out “Can’t wait for Wednesday!”
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