Don’t talk about me!

I woke up to my dad knocking on my door.

“Come on, kiddo!” he shouted. “You don’t wanna be late for school again. Deal with your mornin’ wood and join me for breakfast.”

I didn’t have wood that morning. But the moment he said that off-hand joke I’ve come to expect from him, I heard that ding again and felt my dick instantly start getting rock hard.

Riiight, I thought, trying to adjust my sudden erection. This is something I have to deal with now. I still hadn’t processed exactly what had happened but in the grogginess of the morning I didn’t have the energy to freak out about it. What I knew, or at least, what it seemed like, was that when someone talks to me, and they say something false related to me… that false statement becomes reality. So far, that meant I was gay, I woke up with morning wood today, and…

I thought back to the night before, the other time I heard that ding. Oh, right. My best friends are in love with me. I shook my head and I stepped into my shower. (Rubbing one out to an imaginary man, for the first time.) When I was done I got out and stepped in front of the mirror, looking at myself. I was really just… an average looking kid, for the most part. I ran my hand through my hair, short and black. Shaved whatever I had of a mustache, looking down at my chest… I forgot how hairy I was getting (my dad’s genes.) I had a regular old, average build. Not bony, not really muscular or fat, just a filled out body. How did an average kid like me… end up mixed up with these kinda kids? Why wasn’t I one of the undesirables like Madeline?

I knew the answer, of course, but I didn’t want to say it.

I sighed as I started to get dressed. I needed to go find her, apologize, do whatever it takes to fix this before it gets out of control. But first… I need to understand how this works. I walked out towards the kitchen and saw my dad already sitting there, breakfast ready. I figured he’d probably end up being the perfect person to test this with. After my mom died, and my brother left for college, me and him had a relationship more like two friends than father and son. I knew he wasn’t gonna be afraid to make weird jokes, exaggerate, say bizarre things. The exact thing that would change reality.

I didn’t want to push it. I didn’t want him to say something that’d screw me up too bad. But hopefully just talking to him he’d give me something to work with to find out what I want. Now that I’m an adult, he’d joke with me about shit like sex, drinking… as if I wasn’t his son.

I sat down at the table across from him. “What’s up dad?”

My dad cocked an eyebrow. “What’s up with you? Must’ve been partying for hours last night. How’d it go?”

“Um… it was okay, I guess. I dunno, I feel a bit weird after last night.”

“I think that’s called a hangover,” he chuckled. “You know, you really gotta lay off the beer. You’ve practically got a full blown beer belly at this point!”

Ding. Jesus fucking christ. That was the first thing he had to say? I looked down, almost hoping nothing would happen. It did, of course. I instantly felt my abdomen start to extrude. It felt like any bit of pillowing I had compressed into itself and then exploded outward. It pushed my shirt up past my bellybutton as it grew, exposing my skin to the cold air. My chest grew thicker too, and as I grabbed and shook one tit with my right hand my entire torso jiggled. I felt horrified. I had nightmares about this exact kind of thing where getting older made me fill into a whale-sized dad bod. I just didn’t expect my dad to be the one giving me the bod.

I figured now would be my only chance to ask something before I tried getting him to set it back. “U-uh,” I started, “how long have I been this big?”

“Oh man, you started getting bigger a year and a half ago. I dunno why you chose to wear one of your old shirts though. Do you want the whole school seeing your uh… navel?”

Okay, I thought. Now I know three things. It’s not instant for me, it seems to change everyone’s memories… and “practically have” means “do have”. Now how do I get him to put me back to normal? It’s not like I can just tell him what’s going on, he thinks I’ve been like this for a year… he’d think I’m crazy. I gotta try to herd him.

“Um, don’t you think you’re being a little harsh?” I asked. “I wouldn’t say I have a… full blown beer belly, would you?”

He smiled. “No, I think beer belly is going easy on you. You look more like you have a whole-cake-every-day-for-three-years-belly.”

Ding. My dad and his goddamn hyperboles. I felt myself start growing again. Suddenly the hard, round belly lost all structure, flopping over my barely holding together waistband. I could feel my love handles spill out of my jeans like a muffin being baked. I had no idea what a whole cake every day for three years would really do to my body, but I didn’t want to sit around and find out. I spoke while I was still growing.

“C-come on, at least lie to make me feel better.”

“Okay, okay,” he laughed, as if I wasn’t blob-ifying right in front of him. “You have a… moderately sized beer belly. Happy?”

Ding. The growing stopped, and like a stretched spring, shank back down to a lot closer to its original size. It’s weird; I could feel all of this happen, even though these feelings by all means should be impossible to experience. It felt almost as if all the fat under my skin was reeling back in somewhere, like a tape measurer coiling back into nothingness. By the time I was done shrinking, I was maybe ten or fifteen pounds heavier than I had been yesterday. It wasn’t perfect… but it was probably the best I was going to do after that ordeal.

I shook myself off and stood up, my Dad handing me my backpack as I walked towards the door. I… didn’t want to risk something else like that happening again, but at the same time… I needed to figure out if I could get him to revert something else. Maybe if I didn’t come out as gay, I could get someone else to offhandedly say I’m straight.

“Hey dad,” I asked, nervously. “Did I ever um… come out to you?”

He shot me a confused glance. “Son, why would you have to come out to me? You talk about your sex life all the time. I already know you like guys.”

I cursed. He was right. I had talked to him about my sex life… I had talked to most people about my sex life. I guess now those memories just contain men instead of women…

“Unless,” he started joking. Oh no. I started walking towards the door. Maybe I could slip out before I heard him say something. “Unless you want to come out as something else?”

“No, dad,” I nervously said, fiddling with the lock.

“Come on,” he chuckled, “you know I won’t judge any of your weird sodomite fantasies.” I knew he wasn’t serious. It was just his dark humor, like he always had. Just now was… not the time. “What is it?” he asked. “Beastiality? Bondage? Something with feet?”

I got the door open and slid out as fast as I could. “Dad, seriously, now is not the time,” I said, starting to close it.

He laughed again. God I hoped he would stop laughing. “Okay, okay, I get it. You can tell me all about how you want to fuck your dad when you get home.”

The door finally closed. Ding. For fuck’s sake.

I spent the rest of the walk to school pretending it didn’t happen. That nothing was wrong. That I wasn’t suddenly gay, that I didn’t have a rounded cushion where my stomach was. That there wasn’t a part of the back of my mind now wanting to imagine my dad naked. To imagine his cock, the same cock that made me, inside my mouth. And how much I hated that I had no control and yet… I couldn’t stop wanting it….

I shook my head and refocused as I entered the school’s main gate. I had classwork to focus on, and focus on it I did. The first 3 periods were no nonsense. I sat quietly, listened intently, and did my work while doing as little socializing as possible. My excuse was that my grades were dropping (which wasn’t a lie), but I knew the truth. I was terrified of something else slipping out of someone’s mouth. It didn’t matter what it was, I couldn’t handle another random change. Not now.

But then… came lunch. And my friends were expecting me to come and talk and joke like usual. I considered just saying nothing again. But then they’d know something is up, make some snarky comment about me being suicidal or something, and at this point the wrong comment can be fatal. So I bit my tongue and joined them at the table like nothing was wrong… but I still had priorities.

“Have any of you seen that Madeline girl from last night?” I asked.

All three shook their head. “Nah,” Travis said, “I have her for English. She’s not here. Maybe last night fucked her up too bad or whatever.”

Fuck. I frowned. What now? I just have to survive whatever changes I get until I find her? I pinched the bridge of my nose.

Ali tilted his head. “What’s up, Nick? What’s got your mind?”

I shook my head. “It’s nothing, forget it.”

The corner of Alex’s lip rose in the same snarky way it always would whenever he was about to make a stupid joke. For fuck’s sake. I knew he would be the worst of it and yet I still had no way of preparing for what changes he’d make with his stupid jokes. Do any of us even find them funny?

“Aah, I get it,” he started. I really hoped he did, for a second. But I knew he didn’t. “Just look at him,” he said, nudging Ali with his shoulder. Ali looked up from. his meal as Alex continued. “He’s horny.”

Ding.

I instantly felt my cheeks redden and my breathing start getting heavy. Blood began rushing to my forehead… and to my cock. I felt it stiffen in my jeans as if I’d been thinking sexy thoughts for hours. Well… this wasn’t the worst it could get. I could probably jerk this off in the bathroom and-

“I don’t believe it.” Ali shook his head. “What would he be all horned up for in the middle of school?”

Alex smirked. “Think about it. He didn’t get laid at the party so he’s all plugged up. I mean just look at him! He looks like he’s about to blow!”

Ding. God I wish it were that simple. It immediately jumped from passive arousal to complete desperation. Any bit of softness left in my groin completely vanished as I felt liquid pre-cum start spilling out. As much as I wanted to focus on the conversation and steering it back, I couldn’t even manage that. My thoughts became clouded with sex, sex, sex.

Ali’s eyes widened as any disbelief left his mind. He wasn’t the type to fabricate nonsense for jokes like Alex, but that didn’t stop hyperbole. I gritted my teeth and tried to breathe out a plea for him to say no more, but I couldn’t manage.

“Dude, are you actually okay? What’s up with you? I feel like you’re the horniest I’ve ever seen someone.”

Another ding. Please, god, I begged they’d stop talking. I gripped on to the table and clenched my teeth. People all around me started staring. Not even denim was enough to hide the tent in my pants as I started fighting the urge to buck my hips. My legs shook and my knees got weak as the puddle of precum soaking my underwear grew larger and larger.

Travis started looking concerned. Probably the most genuinely concerned I’ve seen him. I didn’t know if that’s the love for me implanted in him last night, or if this situation was just that crazy. At that point, I was too horny to keep wondering. I needed to cum, immediately. I had to get out of there. I had to-

“Dude, do you need help? You’re making a scene. At this rate I feel like you’re going to start jerking off in front of everyone.”

Ding. That was it. That was all it took. I couldn’t stop my body no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn’t stop my hands from moving down to my zipper. I couldn’t stop them from pulling out my cock. And I couldn’t stop them from stroking. At this point the entire quad was staring at this… unbelievable sight. One ran to grab a teacher, but I couldn’t care. I just kept tugging and tugging as if nobody was there. I blew onto Alex’s jeans, his mouth agape the same as everyone else’s. He didn’t even bother to wipe it off.

I saw a teacher walk towards the area in something between anger and pure horror. Travis shook his head. “Did you just…?” I gave them a look like a sad puppy as soon as I put everything away and covered myself up again. Did that just happen in front of everyone? Am I going to be a sex offender or something? I felt a lump in my throat. Did that girl, that curse… ruin the rest of my life? I couldn’t tell if it was the embarrassment or the fear, but I felt my eyes start to well up. I couldn’t manage to say anything.

Alex gave me a weirdly empathetic look (coming from him at least), and a pat on the shoulder. “Hey, hey. The principal likes you. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” It was an empty sentiment made to cheer me up… but then I heard a ding. That was so vague… exactly what was that going to change?

“But… e-everyone saw…” My voice was shaky. I didn’t know if I was asking for something else to change or just genuinely scared. This curse had already messed with my head so much. Almost nothing was set in stone anymore. Anything could be changed within a second.

“Don’t worry bro. Everyone here likes you too. Hell, I bet they all wanted to see you like that for a long time.”

Ding. I was getting really tired of hearing that sound… but that one seemed to fix my problem. Looking around, everyone’s faces shifted from horror and shock to… almost a satisfaction? The more confident smirked and nodded in approval, the shier ones just buried their face in their hands in embarrassment. But after that… they just went back to eating lunch like nothing had even happened. Just what repercussions was that going to have…?

I didn’t have time to think about that before the horrified teacher showed up at my side.