Shaming the boastful centaur

by DracumSum

 Bill makes a joke, and a Greek goddess makes it real.

Added: Oct 2022 7,753 words 1,720 views 5.0 stars (4 votes)

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Dad looked at Bill, a tad warily, and decided to give him another chance. “Son, would you like to offer a prayer before our meal?”

Bill perked up and said, “Gee willikers, sure, dad!”—sounding 12 years younger than the college freshman he was.

The entire table bowed their heads, in a worrying mixture of piety and horrified anticipation.

“Persephone, Maiden of the Spring, Queen of Hades, Mistress of the Pomegranate, bring unto me a lover whose loins are fruitful like the ripened oranges of Valencia and whose phallus would shame the boastful centaur.” He looked around the table, smirking. “Amen.”

The rest of the table sighed, and his mom made a cross.

“God damnit Bill. Do you really need to say that at the table?” Bill’s dad asked in exasperation.

Bill grinned to himself and looked around the dining room, the smile fading as he realized that his sister was already playing on her phone, and his mom was rubbing her temples as she swallowed half a glass of wine in one go.

The meal was frosty, the small talk getting crushed under the feet of Big Tech, namely in the form of Instagram, Twitter, and Youtube. Still, Bill finished his plate and went for seconds, enjoying the change from dining hall grade volume.

He looked at the port he’d poured himself before the meal, sighed, and took a large gulp, nearly finishing it. Then sighed again and tilted it over, watching the fortified wine gather in a drop, then fall, hitting the tablecloth and coloring the cream fabric blood red.

The world stood still for a moment, then came together in a bang.

From the backyard, came a crash that echoed through the neighborhood, shaking the windows and setting off all three car alarms in the back.

Everyone jumped up from the table, and looked around wildly. Dad and Jane ran for the front door, adrenaline twitchy fingers scrabbling to call 911, as Mom and Bill ran for the rear door, shoving it open.

The back garden was lit by a ring of flame, centered on a crater, cutting into both Dad’s prized lawn and Mom’s prized tulip bed. Mom grabbed a knife, presumably to stab the meteor that had crushed uncountable hours of effort in her garden, and cautiously walked out towards the crater, Bill following closely, eyes trying to see past the guttering ring of flame.

As they crossed the border of the ring of fire, a wave of... not silence, but anti-noise surged out, blanketing the entire area in not just quiet, but silence powerful enough to drive them to their knees, a sensation akin to suddenly running into hurricane force winds, overwhelming and utterly surprising.

Moments later, the car alarms stopped, and dozens of people wondered why they were standing outside, before sheepishly heading back indoors.

Mom looked around, blinked, and stood up straight. A few seconds later, she looked at the knife in her hand then walked over to the mint patch, carefully cut a few sprigs, and started to walk back inside, as Bill looked around the garden dumbfounded.

“What the hell just happened!?” he asked, getting back up, looking at the crater in utter bewilderment.

“We needed some mint to garnish the dessert. And your roommate slipped into the planned duck pond. Mind helping him out? I think he’s a little too proud to ask for it,” Mom replied, an undercurrent of suppressed loathing coloring her words, as she slipped inside. Bill looked at her, confused, then turned on his phone’s flashlight and looked inside the crater. There was an embarrassed tanned young man at the bottom.

“Erm... hello where am I?” he asked, trying to get a grip in the slippery clay. “And I think I need some help.”

“...Sure,” Bill said, reaching down and offering a hand to the newcomer. “What... how are you here?”

“No idea. Was hoping you could tell me,” he said, surprisingly upbeat. He managed to squirm around and reached up towards Bill, grabbing his hand tightly.

A wave of warmth radiated from the hand grab, and the duo twitched in shock. Then, Bill grunted and helped pull the magical teleporting stranger out of the hole.

“Many thanks,” he said, looking over himself and seeming to debate whether to clean off the clay. After a few moments’ hesitation, he sighed, and looked up at Bill. “Well, I’m Pholus. What’s your name?”

Bill was stunned now that he was able to take in all of Pholus. He was a slight young man, barely shoulder height to Bill, with curly brown hair, brown eyes, and a patchy brown beard. He wasn’t that muscular, but very defined, barely any body fat. He wasn’t a nudist, the stark tanlines on his legs and arms said he wore… something. Didn’t look like shorts, not sharp enough. All that was secondary to the organ dangling between his legs. It was almost bestial, the balls as large as eggs, his cockhead dangling a solid hand’s breath beneath those ponderous orbs. It was framed by a thin fuzz of brown hair, and the foreskin seemed to be already stretched over the glans. Pholus blushed as he realized how... fixated Bill was, and tried to cover himself up.

Bill started, and shook his head. “Sorry, my name’s Bill. You... want to get washed up?” Bill asked, suddenly very fixated on not letting the stranger go.

“You have a river nearby?”

“No? There’s a bath upstairs.”

“An upstairs bath? That sounds marvelous,” Pholus said, eyes suddenly wide and impressed.

Bill shook his head, feeling like they were talking at cross purposes. “Let’s go.” Pholus followed like an obedient puppy as the two crossed the yard and clumped upstairs, getting mud and clay on the carpet. Pholus stared at the lights for a moment, shook his head, and kept walking.

“All right, bathroom’s in here. There’s a towel over here. Soap and shampoo is here. You need anything else?”

“Erm... how do you use this?”

Bill blinked. “Did you come from space?”

“No? You can do that? I came from Päólion.”

“Where’s that?”

“Erm...” Pholus seemed unsure how to answer that.

Bill decided that Pholus was probably from space. “All right, here’s how you use the bath. This closes the drain, this adds warm water, this adds cold water, this goes in your hair. Rub it to get it soapy. Here’s the soap, and a washcloth. And here’s a towel. You know how to use a towel?”

Pholus’s lips quirked. “Rub it on wet parts?” Bill smiled and nodded, then turned and started for the door. “Wait, you’re leaving? How can I get my back?”

Bill froze and turned around. “Erm... you want me to stay in here with you?” Pholus nodded, a bit nonplussed. “All right... yeah, I can do that,” Bill said, suddenly dry mouthed.

He turned on the water, letting it warm up, and pulled off his shirt. Pholus was looking at the toilet, interested. He pressed the lever, and nodded to himself as the water in the tank flushed away. “And… this… is what you use to wipe? Do I… put it in there?”

“Erm… yeah, that’s the toilet. You wipe with the toilet paper, then just flush it with the water.”

“Huh… neat,” Pholus said, then sat down on the floor and started scraping off pieces of clay from his feet and legs, shivering a bit as his cock laid against the cold tiles. Bill remembered himself after a few moments, and, hesitating slightly, pulled off his pants, standing naked in front of the newcomer. It was hard not to try to cover himself up with his hands. He was… chubby, it had to be said, with some build from regular gym visits. His own dick wasn’t anything special, barely enough for one hand, and he was doing his best to stop it from hardening. He turned towards the bath, making sure it was a comfortable temperature, and Pholus walked up behind him.

“Huh…” he said, looking at the steam coming off the water’s surface. “I suppose water flows downhill… is there a boiler… on the top floor? That sounds dangerous…”

Bill turned around, almost chest to chest with the smaller man, his intense brown eyes staring into his own green. “As it happens, erm… no. There’s a boiler in the basement, and… well, it heats the water, and uses the pressure from the central water main to pump the water up to this floor.”

“So there’s an aqueduct leading to the house?”

“Sort of… we have it in pipes underground…”

A rich female voice laughed nearby, causing the two men to jump in surprise and turn toward the sound.

A woman wearing a toga sat on a beanbag sized floating flower, clearly enjoying the scene.

“What happens when two cute naked guys spend time alone in a private bath?” She asked, then answered her own question. “Apparently they talk about the plumbing. Don’t forget to tell him that you can let the water flow out. You don’t need to recycle it for the rest of the family.”

She rested her chin on one hand, the other holding a glass of some deep red liquid, apparently deeply amused.

Bill covered himself up, as did Pholus. “Who are you, how did you get in?”

“I’m Persephone. And you both called me with an appropriate offering. And I was just bored enough to do something about it.”

“Offering?” Bill asked. “The wine?”

She nodded. “Good vintage, enjoy the hints of pomegranate.” She took a sip of the drink. “Though, what I was more interested in was the particular phrasing.”

Bill looked at her in confusion. “What…” Persephone’s smile took on a hint of a leer and Bill’s eyes darted towards Pholus. “Oh…”

“Oh indeed.” She crossed her legs, leaning forward, inspecting the raw materials. “Of course, you two aren’t quite up to your… prayers. But I’ve always been a strong believer in hard work improving my worshipers. And in the value of a ripening crop. It’s how the harvest happens after all.” She took another sip and reclined, as Bill and Pholus both felt a wave of what felt like strong alcohol cascade over the brains. It became a lot harder to worry, and… well, Persephone would have done something if she wasn’t enjoying herself…

“Now, there is quite a bit of work to be done here. And I won’t let people call me an unfair goddess… so… what do you two propose?”

“Erm… what?” Bill asked, through the sudden feeling of drunkenness.

“What should you two do to deserve my blessings?”

“Um, complete a great challenge?”

“But there’s so much to be done here… is one challenge truly enough?” Persephone asked, as the two men shook their heads, blushing at they looked at themselves.

“What… about a bunch?” Bill offered. Pholus nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, we can complete the same quests as Hercules!” he said enthusiastically.

“You think you can complete the same tasks as Hercules?” Persephone smile was turning into a smirk. “What am I to say to such confidence? For each task you complete, you will get closer to your goals. And I will even alter the past so that people don’t question it… too much.”

“You can change the past?”

“Of course. Why do you think your mother didn’t question why there was a naked boy from Ancient Greece in the garden? Pholus is now your nudist roommate from school. Your mother is convinced that he’s led you down a path of villainy and debauchery, but would never say no to a guest. Do try to make a better impression, she’s going to give you quite the cold shoulder if you don’t get your act together.”

“But… I don’t… remember that?” Pholus said, confused.

“Of course not. It’s too simple and boring to actually press into reality, but it’ll give you a roof over your head and three meals a day, plus a cute boyfriend. Get on those quests and I’ll start filling out your backstory properly.”

The two men looked at each other, suddenly hyperaware of the other’s presence. Bill coughed. “Yeah… yeah, we can do that.”

Persephone’s smirk widened into a grin. “Then I look forward to your success.” She slowly faded from view, just leaving a lingering scent of flowers and two blushing horny men.

“Erm… you want to get into the bath?” Bill asked Pholus.

“Yeah! Yeah, that… that sounds nice.”

They clambered into the bath, and ended up back to back, feeling each other’s warmth, relaxing into the warm water.

“So… what did you pray for?” Pholus asked after a bit.

“Erm… a boyfriend with balls bigger than oranges and a cock bigger than a centaur’s.”

“What?!” Pholus yelped.

“Yeah, I’m a massive perv… It was a joke and—”

“No, no, you like big penises?”

“Yeah…?” Bill said, confused.

“That’s… not really a thing where I’m from… well… not from anyone who isn’t powerful…”

“What?”

“Well, it’s this whole thing about submission and domination. You always want a partner with a smaller penis and a long foreskin… and I’m just a farmer.”

“So, you’re too big to get a date?”

He shrugged against Bill. “Well… it’s a stereotype. Farmers and satyrs, even if I’ve never met one. Huge bestial cocks for everyone not civilized enough to live in a city.” Bill’s breathing became deeper, and he shook against Pholus.

It kept going. “Are… are you masturbating against me?”

“Fuck, that sounds hot,” Bill said, and Pholus burst out laughing. Bill joined in, slowing and stopping his efforts.

“Well, I guess that’s… pretty reassuring… Guess a lot is different here.”

“Persephone said, ancient Greek… is that true?” Bill asked. Pholus shrugged.

“How could I tell what’s ancient to you? I know how to farm on a small plot of land in a place called Päólion.”

After a minute, Bill asked, “Would you recognize coins?”

Pholus shrugged again. “Does it matter? I don’t care where I am, as long as it’s a long, long way away from there. Magical lights, hot water from a tap, strange fabrics… as long as you’re here for me to ask about it, I’m happy.”

Bill blushed hard. “You… you really trust Persephone that much?”

“Well, you could have probably made that happen, but… hey, if you can fake being a god, there’s nothing I can do anyway. Might as well enjoy the water.”

“What… did you pray for?”

“Someone muscular and wise to protect me…”

“Aww. That’s adorable.”

Pholus seemed like he wanted to say more, but didn’t.

“Erm… you want me to scrub your back?” Bill asked.

“Yeah… I’d really appreciate it.”

Bill turned around and started scrubbing. “Hey, are you all right?”

“Eh… just feels a bit… tight. I’ll be all right… when I calm down,” Pholus said, sounding a bit strained.

“What are you talking about?” Bill asked, “Oh wow…” he said, looking over Pholus’s shoulder. His cock was half hard, draped nearly past his hip. The foreskin was stretched taut, and looked red and painful. “How big do you get when you’re hard?”

Pholus pointed aggressively at his dick.

“Oh… this has been going on for a while?”

“Years... Always wakes me up a few times a night.”

“And you can’t get circumcised?”

Pholus looked affronted. “Absolutely not.”

“Huh… I guess we could go talk to a doctor in the morning… see what treatments are available…” Bill said.

“You can just do that?” Pholus was surprised. “I thought they were only in large cities.”

“Erm… It’s only about half an hour to a city from here. Our general practitioner is about 45 minutes down the road.”

“What is this place?” Pholus asked, amazed.

Bill laughed a bit. “It has other problems, but let’s get you cleaned up. You feeling hungry?”

Pholus nodded. “I… could do with a bite.”

“Excellent, food should still be on the table. Let’s see if we can get you some pants.” Bill started scrubbing Pholus’s back, and helped with his legs and feet. The two were feeling giggly, being that close together, bathing in each other’s scents, mixed with the chemical freshness of shampoo and soaps, but tried to restrain themselves a bit.

“So, you’ve never been able to get hard?” Bill asked, as they were drying off.

Pholus shrugged. “For years, when this thing really started growing. Bit of a joke with the other workers. They kept assigning me to preparing the horses for breeding.” He rolled his eyes and huffed. “Something about it being the closest I’d ever get.

Bill rolled his eyes. “All right, if it’s just foreskin, it shouldn’t be too difficult to fix. If there’s something like scarring, the that’s also pretty easy, an extremely simple surgery.”

“If you say so...” Pholus said, looking around. “Erm… you said something about pants?”

“Right! My room. Let’s see if there’s something comfortable we can get you in.” He tied his towel around his waist and stepped out into the hallway, stumbling a bit from the aftereffects of meeting a goddess.

Pholus copied the action, and tried walking after him, then gave up and left the towel hung up. The bedroom was set up differently than Bill had remembered, with an inflatable mattress and an open bag.

“Erm... I guess that’s yours?” he said to Pholus, who looked inside curiously.

“Huh... these are weird...” he said, holding up a pair of pants.

“I mean, they’re what I’m wearing...” Bill said, a bit confused.

“But why not a... tunic?” Pholus asked.

“...Erm... I think those are only used for girl’s sportswear now?”

“Erm... all right.” Pholus pulled on a loose pair of sweatpants, his cock dangling down one side, and felt around in the pockets. “Huh, these are convenient,” he remarked, pulling out a wallet. “What’s this?”

“A wallet, it stores money and cards and stuff. Let’s see what’s inside it,” Bill said. He opened it to find a driver’s license, some cash, a school ID, and a school medical insurance card. “Huh, that’s useful. This makes life a bit easier.” Bill handed the wallet back to Pholus, who put it in his pants.

“All right, you ready to eat?” Bill asked, looking through the bag and tossing Pholus a shirt.

“I’m hungry for many things,” Pholus said, pulling on the top, taking in his new boyfriend’s form. Bill blushed, and threw on some of his own clothes. A few minutes later, the two headed down together.

The plates from dinner were still there, with a new spot for Pholus. It had a towel over the cushion, and the rest of the family looked up at the two as they walked in. Bill’s mom appeared pleasantly surprised, but nodded as the two took their place.

Pholus didn’t notice, he was fixated on the sheer amount of food on the table. “What... how...” He shook his head and sat down, then looked at the family using their fork and knives, and tried to imitate them.

It was a bit messy, but the family was trying to be polite to the Greek.

“So... how are you settling in?” Bill’s dad asked after a few minutes of munching. “Thanks again for spending your first day digging a pond. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while.”

Pholus was digging in, as if he hadn’t eaten in a week. Bill waited a few seconds and answered. “Think he’s doing fine, and really appreciating your cooking. Thanks, mom.” She nodded and made an ‘it was nothing’ gesture. Bill continued.,”Yeah, felt like we got it done in a flash, at least until he slipped.”

There was a weird pressure at the base of Bill’s head, and it felt like his ears popped. A few different memories jumbled together. What had happened with the explosion, the two of them spending the day digging, Pholus naked, trying to make the best of things, and the two of them digging in muddy clothes. The first two faded. Bill could remember what had ‘happened’ but it was muddy, like vivid dream from a couple nights back.

His mom blinked. “I’m sorry that I got in such a tizzy over you two getting your clothes so dirty. If you can leave them to soak overnight, I’ll get them tomorrow.”

Pholus and Bill looked at each other, then turned back to their food. Guess this is what Persephone had meant by “reality changes.” Bill’s mom had seen him nude, and had formed a certain reality. Bill’s dad hadn’t. Which one made more sense? The one where Pholus had shoes on, apparently.

The rest of the night was fairly uneventful. Pholus was stunned enough to just take everything in and accept it as what it was. Bill was still feeling the effects of whatever Persephone had done to them.

The two headed up to bed, changed, and got into their respective beds, still not quite willing to open up.

Bill lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Pholus did the same.

“So... what else do you want to do?” Bill asked.

“What?”

“Like, after going to the doctor. We’re roommates... but I don’t want to force you to do anything...”

Pholus didn’t answer for a few minutes. “I... don’t know? I’m just following you around right now. So... what would you normally do?”

“Sleep, workout, eat, wan—” He gulped. “—watch TV, eat, repeat?”

“I guess I’ll try that? At least once?”

“Erm, yeah, sure!”

“One question, what does working out and TV mean?”

“Erm... working out is exercise? TV is a way of sending moving images to a box?” Bill said, trying to bring the level of understanding to a reasonable degree.

“Oh... all right then...” A few more minutes passed. “Erm... did I do something wrong?”

“What? No! I... just don’t know too much about you?”

“Is that why... I’m sleeping on the floor?”

“What?”

“Well, it’s considered... sort of servile for someone to sleep at the foot of their master’s bed...”

“That’s... not what I intended?”

“So, is there a reason why I’m sleeping in here?”

“Erm... not really... My bed is a bit small...”

“I’m willing to cuddle.”

“You... want to cuddle?”

“Yeah... it’s nice...”

Bill’s brain was gently short circuiting. It took him a few moments to actually respond. “Er, yeah... I think I’d like that. I’d like it a lot.”

Pholus stood up, wobbling on the air mattress, then slipped into the bed and underneath the covers.

Bill was hyperaware of Pholus’s warmth, his tight, toned body right there.

Pholus shifted, and he pressed into Bill’s side.

“Erm… are you wearing any pajamas?”

“Why would I wear something? It’s comfortable underneath the blankets,” Pholus said.

Bill stiffened, and didn’t answer. Pholus shuffled away from him.

“Seriously, what’s… wrong with me? I… I thought you liked me. You certainly stared enough…”

“It’s… not you. I’m… just not sure… how to react around you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… what are your limits? You can’t get hard… and you’re naked in my bed… and I don’t want to hurt you… and I don’t really know you, but I feel like I know you… but...” Bill felt a pair of arms wrap around him,

“Ah… you overthink… don’t you?”

“I… wouldn’t put it that way…”

Pholus laughed quietly. “I’m sure…” After a few seconds, he continued. “How to put it… After what I asked Persephone… everything that happens to me, I deserve. I’ve put myself in your hands… and I’m willing to go as far as you are.”

“What did you ask Persephone?”

The joking, jolly mood disappeared. “Well… I asked her to give me another chance. I’d… give up everything. It wasn’t much to be honest… but it was all I could offer… if she’d give me a… I don’t… the word doesn’t… quite… make sense. It wasn’t a master… It wasn’t a friend… social superior? But… more intimate than that. Mentor? Someone who could guide me, help me, protect me… anything better than what I was going through.”

Bill rolled over and wrapped his arms around Pholus.

“Well… I’m not sure if I can do all that… but I’m damn willing to try. Fuck, now I feel like an asshole doing some bullshit about a massive dick...” Bill trailed off, hugging tighter feeling the naked man beneath him, and appreciating what he’d committed to.

“Well… it wasn’t that noble. I may have… phrased it a bit more… aggressively...” Pholus admitted after a moment

“Like what?” Bill asked.

“Well… there may have been invocations to Greek heroes… comparisons with Heracles… as bountiful as a satyr… it… got a bit horny...”

Bill laughed quietly. “Oh, we’re both fucking pervs aren’t we.”

“Not fucking yet,” Pholus said. “I’d love to suck you as deeply as I could manage… but...” He slowly worked his groin against Bill’s leg, the soft length unmistakable and very very apparent.

“I can’t wait to see how big you are… I’m such a size queen.”

“You really think that someone can help me?”

“I’m sure of it. Should be a simple surgery. You’ll be in and out in a day. Then… well, we’ll see what you can do… and whether I can take your massive cock.”

Pholus’s hand strayed down, feeling Bill’s rock hard cock. He was leaking, staining the thin pair of pants separating the two. “You’re a pretty decent size,” he said, feeling against Bill’s length, maybe a hand’s length, four inches.

Bill leaned into Pholus, kissing his neck, suddenly overwhelmed by his scent. “You don’t need to be nice...”

“No, I’m serious… It’s big enough to feel, but small enough to suck easily. This… you should be pretty happy with this. It’s a nice cock.” Bill felt Pholus’s cock start to swell, twitching as it descended down his leg, then Pholus strained his legs, and the cock slowly shrank down to flaccid. Or at least as flaccid as it could get in these circumstances. “Sorry… but… fuck… you make me horny.”

“Right…” Bill said, unsure, not wanting to hurt Pholus. “So… we want to be as chaste as possible? At least for tonight? Two equals sleeping in he same bed?”

Pholus laughed again. “You are so bad at this… but… yes. I can’t think of a better way of putting it.”

Bill rolled back onto his arm, Pholus next to him, and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep.

Pholus’s steady breathing helped, and eventually, the two drifted off to sleep.


The next morning, the two of them woke up to Bill’s alarm and discovered they’d started holding hands in the middle of the night. They let go, Pholus more tentatively than Bill, and rolled out of bed. A pair of gym shorts for Pholus was enough to satisfy basic decency, though didn’t hide anything, and they headed downstairs.

“How was your night?” Bill’s dad asked, making eggs.

Bill muttered something, as Pholus brightened. “It was… nice. It was very nice,” he said. He yawned hugely. “Not much sleep, but… I felt better than I have in a long time.”

“Good to hear?” Bill’s dad seemed a bit unsure of the subtext, but rose to the occasion. “What are the two of you thinking of doing?”

“Well… we were planning on heading to the hospital, turns out that Pholus has a pretty annoying minor disorder we’d like to get checked out. His insurance should cover it…” Bill had looked up the policy on the insurance card before heading down. “No deductible and they cover general practitioner visits, so we should be good. Then… I don’t know. You want to work out?” he asked, turning to Pholus.

Pholus had been trying to remember what Bill had said about insurance, so nothing, then shrugged at the question “Sure, could be fun.”

Bill’s dad chuckled. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Bill was nearly as much of a beanpole as you are now. You’ll do well under his tutelage.”

Bill coughed, caught in the middle of taking a drink of orange juice. “I… think you’re overselling me there, dad. I’m still about the same weight.”

“And two pants sizes down. You’re underestimating yourself.”

Bill blushed, and Pholus wasn’t sure if he should pick the conversation up. How interesting was tending an olive orchard? The rest of the meal passed in mostly silence, then the two headed back to Bill’s room where they dressed for the day. Which immediately became an issue.

“So… why can’t I wear a tunic? It’s more comfortable. And it fits better,” Pholus complained, trying to position his shorts so that they were comfortable and didn’t show off so much that it got him in trouble. The former was his main concern. The latter was Bill’s. It wasn’t exactly going well. His shaft and cockhead was clearly outlined, while his oversized balls were a larger bulge than most men needed to deal with. It was enough to be on the edge between comedy packing and realistic.

“All right… what if you… just wear looser pants?” Bill asked, finally admitting defeat.

“I have those?!”

“Well, yeah, why wouldn’t you?”

“Where I’m from, you have one piece of clothing,” Pholus said. “I… keep forgetting this bag is all mine.”

Bill looked at the bag, then to his room. It… didn’t compare. He shook his head, thinking about the present. “All right… here’s a pair of gym shorts. If… you…” He sighed. “Yeah, there’s not much that’s going to stop people from seeing that. Hopefully you don’t get in too much trouble.”

Pholus wore a dark navy shirt and a pair of black gym shorts, with a pair of grey shoes. The clothes sort of just hung on him, just accentuating his beanpole build, rather than actually being stretched across his chest and back. The folds in his shorts could have helped to disguise the bulge hanging most of the way to his knee, but… that was optimistic to say the least. Pinkie thick veins stood out proudly, and his balls were large enough to push out the crotch, making the entire package that much more evident.

That said, it made Bill’s constant erection much less noticeable.

Bill called ahead and they were lucky enough to jump on a last minute cancellation, heading in barely an hour after the two of them woke up.


Bill and Pholus sat in the waiting room together. Pholus was idly playing with one of the wire and bead things that apparently self-replicate and infest waiting rooms everywhere, more amazed by the casual use of metal than anything. Sure, there was probably metal in cars, and in decorations, but making a pointless kid’s toy like that… that took a lot of wealth.

“Mr… Pholus? No last name?” A nurse called out, and Pholus jumped up, giving Bill a happy eyeful.

“Right here, ma’am. Can Bill come?”

“Is he family?”

“Erm…” Bill began, about to say no, when.

“Absolutely! He is the closest person in my life!” Pholus declared in front of a pack of bored soccer moms with bob haircuts and highlights. At least three of them recognized Bill, and rapidly started typing on their phones.

Bill stood up, blushing, and nodded. “I’m… I’m definitely the closest he has to family.”

The nurse smiled kindly. “Well, I’m glad for you two, now… let’s get you to an examination room.” She turned and strode off briskly, the two students hurrying to catch up. She opened the door and the two went inside. She closed it. “So, what appears to be the problem?”

“I think he might have scarring around his foreskin. Or it might be too tight? Either way, he’s been having difficulty sleeping because it’ll wake him up. Oh, and he will not get a circumcision,” Bill said, as Pholus blushed. “Oh, sorry, should I have said that?”

“No no no, thank you… I’m just… really bad at talking about this stuff. This is why I need him.” The nurse nodded noting some stuff down.

“I can see why you asked him to come in with you. All right, well, I assume you don’t want me to examine you to confirm?” Pholus shook his head emphatically.

“All right, we were going to give you over to Doctor Smith, but we can rearrange stuff a bit and get Doctor Harrison here. Unless it’s more than just gender that’s an issue?”

Bill looked at Pholus, who shrugged. “I… sorry… I grew up with a bunch of men… and I’m… not… as comfortable around women?” Pholus said. “I… don’t know if I’ll be more comfortable with a man… but I don’t think I’ll be comfortable with a woman looking.”

The nurse nodded and made a few more marks. “Well, I can understand that. All right, wait here a few minutes.” She dotted something a bit aggressively, and walked out, putting the file in the holder on the outside of the door, then headed back to the receptionist’s desk.

“Are women that big an issue?” Bill asked when the door closed again.

Pholus shrugged. “I grew up in an old barn with 12 other boys. The farmers tending the vines and trees were all men. The only women I met were a couple house slaves and… well, I saw the mistress of the house. A lot... I never talked to her but...” He shivered. “She scared me.”

“All right. Is that something you want to work on?” Bill asked.

Pholus shrugged again. “Do you think I should?”

“Well, you did pretty well around the nurse… and my mom…”

Pholus shook his head. “It’s… more about… who’s in charge?” He trailed off, not sure what he could say.

Bill was about to follow up on that, when the door opened up, and an older man in a lab coat and close cropped greying hair strode in.

“All right, so you have a problem with your foreskin?” Presumably Doctor Harrison asked, glancing over the notes. Pholus nodded, surprised at how direct the doctor was. “All right, can you take off your pants? And whatever you’re packing with?”

Pholus didn’t respond, and followed the instructions, shaking a bit. The doctor looked up at him, blinked in surprise, then covered it up with a grimace.

“Sorry… I find that a lot of patients do better if they don’t have time to really think about it. You feeling all right?” Pholus managed a nod. “Good. Do you mind if I touch you to examine what might be wrong?” Pholus nodded again.

The doctor washed his hands, then pulled on a pair of gloves. He sat down, blinking as he took in the flaccid length, then carefully picked up the shaft. “And it only hurts while you have an erection?” Pholus nodded for the third time. “Okay… I think I see the problem already,” he said. “There’s a ring of scar tissue here,” he said, running his finger around Pholus’s head. “So stretching is out. I’d recommend circumcision, but that’s out as well?”

Pholus nodded. Doctor Harrison grimaced a bit. “Well, we’ll probably need to cut something, but it doesn’t need to go that far. How does cutting along here sound? About a quarter inch? It should give you enough space for the foreskin to easily slide over the glans.”

“How… dangerous is it?” Pholus said, looking down at the doctor, feeling a familiar rush of blood at the sensation of someone holding him.

“Petty minimal. Low enough that we can take care of it here, if you’re all right with that. Just a local anesthetic, and some bandaging. Shouldn’t take more than a half hour in total. There’s a slight risk of tearing, which is why I’d usually recommend circumcision, but as long as you don’t force anything, you should be fine.”

Nodding, Pholus said, “All right, let’s do it.” The doctor nodded and let go of Pholus’s member, then headed out, calling for a few nurses to assist with basic surgery.

Bill was certainly surprised by how quickly the discussion had gone, but… judging by how quickly Doctor Harrison had left the room, someone was either intimidated or just not a fan of dicks in general. Or had dealt with far, far too many dicks and just wanted to get it over with.

The room went quiet, though they could hear the hustle and bustle of the hallway outside. “That was… easy?” Pholus said, a bit unsure.

“Well, it is fairly simple. And they found the cause quickly. And Doctor Harrison probably likes surgery,” Bill said, unable to take his eyes off the length swaying off the edge of the examination table.

Pholus noticed where Bill was staring. “You really like this thing, don’t you?” he asked, lifting it up, intentionally showing off his oversized balls.

“Oh fuck yes.” Bill’s own cock surged to full hardness.

Pholus’s dick thickened and lengthened, as he reacted to Bill’s interest, then it tugged on the scar ring, and he grimaced.

“Oh… sorry,” Bill said, abashed, covering up his crotch.

Pholus laughed a bit ruefully. “No problem… It’s nice to be wanted.”

“Do… you mind if I ask how you got that scarring?”

Pholus’s lingering smile vanished. “Someone didn’t quite like an avatar of Priapus around,” he said without elaboration, and an awkward silence filled the room.

It was broken by the nurse entering, blinking in surprise. “All right, please put on this gown.” She hung it on a hook on the back of the door, then stepped out. Pholus blushed harder, and stood up, pulling off the rest of his clothes, before slipping into his gown.

“All right… I guess… I’ll see you in a bit?” Pholus said, then opened the door and headed out.

The nurse led him into another room, with a cloth covered table and a lot of machines making a lot of light. Pholus took a deep breath and sat down on the table. Doctor Harrison returned, with another assistant, clothed enough he couldn’t easily tell their gender.

“All right, we’ll be administering a local anesthetic, which will numb the entire area. You shouldn’t feel a thing, other than a very slight tugging,” The doctor said, pulling on a green gown and a face mask. The other assistant arranged some bottles, consulted some papers, then pulled out a shiny pointy thing.

“Are you ready?” They asked, after filling the pointy thing with some liquid. Pholus nodded, not quite sure what else there was to do. “All right, can you lay back, and hold your gown up? You’ll feel a slight pinch.

Pholus did, and then felt a really strange sensation. Like cold was being poured into his junk. A few minutes later, he didn’t even feel that. It was just… like he’d fallen asleep on his arm.

The assistant was talking to him the entire time, and called over to the doctor once everything had gone numb. Doctor Harrison walked over, and Pholus firmly looked at the ceiling. A moment later, and the world tilted.

Bill had called it a retcon, but whatever it was, it hit again, as the room blurred, and the feeling of the table shifted, becoming more padded, less articulated.

“All right, that should be your shot array. Thanks for being such a good sport about it,” Doctor Harrison said brightly, and Pholus realized he was back in his new normal clothes. “We’ll discharge you soon, just need to take care of some paperwork. See you both in a jiff.” He headed out, closing the door behind him.

As soon as the door closed, Pholus sat up, looking around for Bill. Bill was looking right back at him. “What just happened?!” They both asked at the same time.

“You were about to get surgery...” Bill said.

“I felt the tug of the… knife? I think it’s a knife.”

“Then we got here? Did… did we complete one of the labors?”

“You two most certainly did,” Persephone said, floating on her not-beanbag flower again, looking at the couple in amusement. “Number 2 as a matter of fact.”

“The hydra…?” Bill asked, thinking it over, then facepalmed. “We defeated the hydra by freeing Pholus’s dick?”

Persephone burst out laughing. “You most certainly did,” She managed after a minute. “I can’t think of anything outside a proper stallion that deserves to be called a hydra more. And we’ll definitely get there.”

Bill and Pholus looked at each other, the fact that they were beholden to a moderately insane goddess slowly dawning on them.

“All right… so… what do we get?” Pholus asked, deciding to either get burnt alive or get a straight answer.

“Isn’t Pholus being able to have sex reward enough?”

“I… suppose… that’s honestly pretty fair...” Bill said, a tad calmer, he wasn’t the person just under the knife.

“Oh, that was a joke. You two will find out the real answer pretty soon. I can’t wait to see how you handle the bull!” She vanished, and the door opened.

“All right, everything’s settled. You two can head out whenever you’re ready,” Dr. Henderson said.

Pholus and Bill looked at each other, grabbed their stuff, and headed to Bill’s car.

The moment they were outside the doors, they stopped. “What was that?!” they both asked, supremely confused.

“Well… she… said she likes self-improvement. I… guess getting your foreskin cut so that you can actually get hard probably counts?” Bill said.

“Yeah, but what does that have to do with a hydra?”

“What? Your monster doesn’t deserve that title? I’m guessing it’s because you cut the head of the hydra, which is how Hercules succeeded. Pity it didn’t give you two dicks.”

Pholus huffed in amusement, and leaned back in his seat, ready to be amazed by the self moving vehicle, when both men were suddenly struck with extreme itchiness.

They rubbed and scratched reflexively, Pholus over his entire body, Bill just on his chest, arms, and face, but a few seconds later it faded entirely.

Bill pulled his shirt open and saw that his chest hair had fallen out, while Pholus saw that there were two rings of hair around his legs on the carpet. A few seconds later, they’d faded.

“… interesting,” Bill said after a few seconds, rubbing his newly smooth skin. “Feels kind of nice.”

“Not going bald, I’m happy,” Pholus agreed. Then checked his junk. “And… it looks even bigger.”

“Best day for me, in that case,” Bill smiled.

“Shut up and let’s get to your stupid gym.”

“You’re getting pretty good with modern syntax.”

“Thanks! It must be all these memories of me slacking off in class and arguing on… small, rectangular, smooth...”

“Your phone?” Bill asked, a tad concerned.

“…It’s literally Greek for ‘voice’ … duh,” Pholus said, slapping his forehead. “Why does it do everything else?”

“Easier to do that than carry something for everything,” Bill said, pulling out his. “You feel comfortable trying out one of my workouts? Or you want to ease into it?”

“Let’s be stupid,” Pholus said, leaning back in his seat, and relaxing, trying to get used to the sudden change of sensation on his new hairless skin.

 

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